Jobs for all men – at the altar

If we look at all the crises, elections and budget speeches since 1994, we will notice that – had the ANC made good on those promises – there should now be much more work than people to do it here in South Africa.

It’s obvious the powers that be are overpromising and underdelivering, while repeating this process ad infinitum. We all know the saying about doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result. So, with that in mind, I suggest we take a completely new direction to solve the problem: marriage.

Yes, this is not a typo. The answer to unemployment lies in marriage. Every married man in the world knows there is nobody more capable of creating work for a man than his wife. In our household, for example, I receive my daily to-do-list somewhere between first light and the time I open the door to let the cats out.

Don’t be fooled into thinking this list contains a few requests. On the contrary, it’s a daily task sheet that has me gasping most mornings and begging for mercy on others. At the same time, I am expected to give detailed feedback on my tasks from the previous day.

Every now and then I do get a complimentary pat on the back, but my feedback session is usually followed by a reprimand. On some days, it even involves something very close to a final written warning.

I remember my days as a single young man, when my mates and I could watch four rugby matches on a Saturday, empty the dustbin just once a week, clean the braai only when it was time to light a fire again and call in sick when a fishing trip had to extended.

Nowadays, the closest I get to the water is when I’m allowed to watch the fishing channel for 15 minutes every Friday, if my tasks were all completed at an acceptable standard. If a man says he can’t find work, just give him a wife. He’ll be working like a slave until his death.

Danie Toerien.

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