It’s the Khakis vs the Reds

Slap me on my backside and call me Sally, but I believe there’s a little war brewing. Again. And the battlefield will be the town of Senekal. Again. According to my military intelligence, it’s scheduled for Friday.

Now, people of Mzansi, you may not know this, but war is a complicated sport with rules to match. Like rugby, every war season brings its own new set of rules.

In rugby, it takes a few matches for the players to get used to the referees’ interpretation of the rules. The same goes for warfare. Fortunately, my reconnaissance team has reported that the referee for Friday’s contest between the red team and the khaki team, is none other than the police chief of Senekal.

He (or she?) will be assisted by the provincial MEC and Free State commissioner, while the national commissioner will be the TMO. Cops and teachers usually make good referees – something about maintaining discipline, I believe – so don’t cry afterwards about bad decisions. The referee’s decision is final. (Notice the silence regarding politicians!) Last time out, the khakis gave the blues a battering, so it will be interesting to see how they shape up against the reds.

In warfare, like sport, one of the most important weapons in one’s arsenal, is food. Well-fed troops are happy troops and happy troops are winning troops. I don’t know if either the red or the khaki team have secured a nutrition sponsor, but I do believe there is a massive opportunity there. It will probably involve a cash-filled envelope changing hands under a table, but this is the Rainbow Nation – it’s how we roll.

I personally can envisage the shisa nyama reds against the boerieroll-brigade, but that’s probably just me. Talking about meat, it is customary after the contest to shake your opponent’s hand, swap shirts and braai together while sharing a cold one.

That’s also the only time to compare bruises and act a bit tougher than you really are. Licking your wounds is something you do home alone. By the way, tickets for Friday’s match are free.

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