It’s official: politicians have smaller brains

At last, research has found why most politicians are aggressive, lie and steal. The reason is biological. Their brains are small.

Evidently, scans done on these folk show “thinner cortex and smaller surface area in other regions of the organ linked to behaviour. The reduced size has been seen in adults who maintain adverse traits beyond youth”.

What a revelation, eh? Dr Christina Carlisi of University College London says there are “differences in their brain structure that make it difficult for them to develop social skills that end up with them engaging in antisocial behaviour”.

I’ve always been stumped at the behavioural patterns in parliament, or wherever politicians are active (sic). These are adult folk with some academically qualified, but who act like spoilt brats.

Take the EFF as a prime example. They scream, are rude and unruly. Their leader boasts a degree, but it doesn’t stop him catcalling and making ugly racist remarks. Even fires off shots in public, as if appearing in a Spaghetti Western. A kid dressed as an adult. “Adverse traits beyond youth”.

Stealing has become a common trait. They hijack tenders, purchase luxury houses and vehicles. They go on ultra-expensive holidays on taxpayers’ money.

These people are on healthy packages, they enjoy perks. But something in their make-up says “not enough” and they spend time spotting gaps in the system to exploit. Instead of meeting the people (who put them there) to listen to their problems, they meet unsavoury characters with satchels filled with brown envelopes.

Thankfully, we now know why they do and say these things. They’re born with small brains with limited capacity to behave normally and rationally.

Funny, I’ve always in jest referred to politicians as being brainless. Not far off the mark.

So, we’re stuck with a parliament running on a tiny IQs and can’t expect miracles. Is there a cure? But therein lay another danger. A thicker cortex and bigger surface area would allow for more sophisticated malfeasance. Don’t forget, the small brain has taken root with its bad habits.

Removal of the brain is the only option. Empty heads would be a blessing. They can’t be any worse.

Cliff Buchler.

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