It’s obvious which head has been doing all Gigaba’s thinking

My first reaction on seeing Minister of Outside-The-Home Affairs Malusi Gigaba’s honourable member of parliament standing to such proud attention was to laugh.

I’m not judging the guy for being a horndog. As someone with many a bad decision brought on by my own hormone monster since hitting puberty, it’s a rare man who can stand in honest mockery of Gigaba without being a hypocrite. Our minister should be able to relate to Robert Graves’ 1959 poem, Down Wanton, Down, in which Graves basically asked his own penis why it didn’t have any shame.

What one can make fun of, though, and should, is Gigaba’s obvious foolishness and the fact that he’s been insulting our intelligence since yesterday morning.

He would like us to believe that the clip in which he intently urges the recipient of his digital onanism to “Imagine if this was in your mouth,” was something he could have sent to his wife.

Maybe. Personally, I doubt it. A lot. We already know Gigaba has a penchant for extramarital adventure, with much confirmation of his affair with New York-based stylist Buhle Mkhize.

If Norma didn’t divorce her husband over that drama, then she’s unlikely to send him and his camera-loving mamba slithering off following this latest indiscretion. Like Hillary Clinton, she is standing by her man.

Maybe Norma remains invested in the idea of a bright future with her husband, despite the fact that he’s been such a scandal-magnet. If it’s not the Guptas, or ridiculous and GDP-damaging ideas about visas, then it’s lying under oath about the Oppenheimer airport terminal.

And we’ve now been fed this latest story about how Gigaba supposedly had his phone hacked and that he was blackmailed.

Sure. Whatever. The more likely truth is that whatever “side-chick” he sent this video to simply turned on him and leaked it.

If that’s true, we’d have to face the obvious implication that we have a cabinet member who’s unthinking enough to hand his reputation and career over to another human being – any human being – so recklessly. That’s not a minister anyone should be keen on allowing to make decisions that can impact more people than just himself.

Even if Gigaba did send the clip to his wife, as he claims, that would still be foolish, since everyone should know that the person you marry is never the one you divorce. Here’s dick-pic rule number one: Two heads in one image are never better than one at a time. And by that, I mean, don’t show your face. Obviously.

I would not send a clip like that to an angel. Firstly, because angels are not supposed to be into dick pics and videos and, secondly, today’s angel is tomorrow’s fallen angel, who then commands the armies of hell.

The fact that Gigaba couldn’t have seen this coming (and yes, I realise it’s almost impossible to write about this story without falling victim to every schoolboy pun in the book) is just beyond pathetic.

Yesterday was weird. The minister in effect apologised for a video that most of us hadn’t even heard of yet, in an apparent attempt to outpace an impending scandal.

He tried to paint himself as the victim. But that doesn’t detract from the fact that he’s been a dang fool, and you have to wonder why anyone in the SA body politic would persist in any further delusion that we need any more “public service” from this guy.

I know, though, that we are a country that’s very forgiving of affairs – just ask Cyril Ramaphosa, who wasn’t harmed by it, and Jacob Zuma, who turned it into a lifestyle.

But hopefully not. Because we need to start being less forgiving of the stupidity itself.

His years in government have left more than just a bad taste in the mouth, and that’s not something that bears much further “imagining” about.

Citizen digital editor Charles Cilliers

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