It’s far too early to lose the fight

‘You have liver cancer.” This is possibly the most devastating message I have ever received, but the young doctor who gave me this piece of bad news this week, didn’t look fazed at all.

No sorry, nothing. Just that: “You have liver cancer.”

I know everybody is here on earth temporarily, that we all have to go at one time or another. But drat!

This is just too soon. This was so quick. I lost about 10kg in a month, lost all my energy and my appetite.

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“It’s probably just an ulcer,” I told the lovely Snapdragon. “I hope so,” she said and phoned the doctor.

And from that moment, there were tests and tests. Love from the people near me, love from those further. Nothing more than the love from the company I work for, particularly the great man who owns our company.

I will never again see him as a businessman in the diamond industry – to me, he will be love personified. And through all the pain and confusion, I remained aware of one thing: it’s too early!

My son is 30 years old. My own father died when I was 40. And I believe 40 is far too young for a young man to lose his father.

I saw his eyes in hospital. He was heartbroken. I have to be there for him, not the reason of his devastation.

My wonderful wife. She’s an absolute pillar of strength. But she doesn’t deserve this. My little daughter of seven. Who will explain everything if I’m not there? I still have to take her to high tea. To the opera.

I have to explain the complexities of love to her, I have to go on a road trip with her and my 30 year old son. It’s too early!

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And there’s my 18 year old son. He doesn’t understand one bit, but he doesn’t want to understand, he wants it different.

There’s my mother. No mother deserves to bury a child, not even a child of 58. And my sister and my bother and my grandchild.

As I said, it’s too early. Liver cancer is a formidable foe. I dare not ignore it.

But at 58, I dare not surrender to it. It’s far too early. There’s far too much work to do after all the love I have received over the past weeks.