It takes two to tango…

No water, no problem. Join me in dancing the Jerusalema in a dingy bar in an even dingier shopping centre. Because that was my choice on Saturday: stay at home with the floaters and nothing fresh to dip your toothbrush in after you’ve swallowed the gunk, or fresh pastures.

I chose the pastures with, I’m sure, some pastors thrown in. I bought the last three bottles of holy water at an exorbitant price and chose the watering hole instinctively: that pub I’ve never been to.

“Yes, we serve lunch; yes, you can smoke anywhere; yes, our toilets flush (only once I found out later but I’ll pull a Cyril: ‘Not my problem’.”

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And they didn’t mind me using baby wipes after my half-sized burger because “Covid is over hey” and I could find no sanitiser at either the sign at the bar telling me “sanitiser behind the counter” or my quality family store. Covid must be over.

The eight people in the bar rolled their eyes knowingly when I voiced it – but for one guy: he was seriously playing horses. More specifically Cape Derby Day as he told everyone about the R72 435 payout and all and all.

And just there I decided to follow Saturday Citizen’s Mike Moon: win and a place on 9, 11 and 2… Only, I believe in a Horse Chestnut. Off to the even dingier tab, I put my money on 2 for a win and a place: Charles Dickens, the scribe who, for me, never quite scribbled.

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Six beers later he ran a place in race 8 and I am happy with only half my money back. Why? Because I met Brent down the road who is 32 (“no, Mommy, you heard wrong. 82”) and had one knee replacement and is waiting for the second. But Brent dances.

“Let’s tango at Jeppe Quondam,” he tells me. “The bowling club also does it every Wednesday.”

My eyes lit up. I scribble my e-mail over my picture in the paper he is reading and ignore that he is asking me for the seventh time where I live. I’m off to tango. But I couldn’t resist the man on my right make the moves as Jerusalema blared across the bar.

I got up and did my shuffle with him. Beautifully. That man loved it. So, you’ve seen my moves, Brent. Now move…

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