Inside ANC finance committee meeting: ‘Zondo has diverted attention away from us’

As the clock on the wall swung past 2pm, the Comrades filtered into the room, many of them walking past a poster announcing that the ANC finance committee would meet at “10am sharp”.

The VIP security man at the door noted, absently, that this wasn’t a late start by the Comrades’ standards…

His dashiki sweeping around him, Mbaks scanned the room before bursting out: “What is happening here? I see only Johnnie Walker Red Label! We are entitled to Blue Label!”

The Committee Chair looked up: “It’s austerity, comrade…”

Mbaks understood: “Austerity? That’s the place next to Germany – but I didn’t know they made whisky…”

As the Chair rolled his eyes, Mbaks cracked open a Red Label, poured himself a shot and pronounced “Not as good as Blue Label, comrades, but if these Austeritians want to donate then I am happy…”

The chair brought the meeting to order. “Speaking of donations and other, shall we say, discreet methods of funding our party, I ask the secretary for fund raising to report.”

Comrade Fund shuffled his papers and stood up. “Comrades, the Zondo commission has been a huge success in diverting attention away from the rest of us. However, the exposure by him of some of our funding mechanisms means we are having to proceed carefully.”

Around the room, comrades nodded. Zondo had been a huge distraction for the media although the silver lining was that there were still tenders involved in providing supplies, equipment and venues for the judge… which meant there was still the opportunity for money to find its way to the party.

“Comrades, the misguided and malicious media focus on Cuba has meant we have had to tread carefully with that particular round-tripping operation. The comrades in Havana are also getting greedy and now want 20% for the money laundering, which is double what we agreed. But the supply is reliable, though…”

Comrade Gwede stood up. “We are waiting to sign the Karpowership deals, but these must be for at least 20 years if we are to get our normal commission…”

He went on: “The problem is all these damned environmentalists and clean energy nutcases, but once we start suing them big time, they should quiet down. Also, the comrades at Eskom are sticking to the scheduled of breakdowns so load shedding will become so bad that Karpowership will look like a good deal.”

The chair then called on Comrade Nathi: “I understand there have been some setbacks to the revenue stream which was planned for the flag project…”

Comrade Nathi answered: “Yes, indeed, there was larger than expected adverse reaction to the project because South Africans are not patriotic. However, the project has only been postponed, which means we will still be able to get our commission from the steel suppliers and from the Chinese companies who will be supplying the material for the flag…”

Mbaks then stood up: “Comrades, it is worrying that the City of Cape Town bust construction companies for collusion. We don’t want that to happen elsewhere because these companies are good friends of the ANC…”

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