I’m cut out to be a man, okay?

Don’t you dare strip me of my male ranking. I’m not just your any old “person”.

This is a warning to those ridiculous nincompoops belonging to the minority lunatic fringe who’ve the audacity to foist their absurd rules onto the majority.

They’ve determined “man” and “woman” don’t exist, in sympathy with what nature, for some reason or other, bestowed on them.

In my long years I’ve always felt for those born with the unusual, out of ordinary behavioural tendencies.

They find it hard to fit into an unfeeling world. In fact, nearer at home, a cousin, by self-admission, was gay.

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But those whom he met seldom treated him indifferently.

Why? I believe the reason lies in him being a nice, friendly, humorous individual and was accepted without rancour.

His popularity was further enhanced when planting a Mohammed Ali uppercut to a bully boy’s chin.

See, he stood up for himself without targeting heterosexuals.

It was while surfing the net, being sick to death of funeral ads on local channels, when I came across a UK one debating the pros and cons of dropping the signage on public toilets.

The Scots maniacal minority league insisted the words male and female be removed. Unisex toilets already exist, and I abhor them for practical reasons.

Let me remind the monomaniacs, men and women have different hygienic and biological needs not open for gawking at.

In Paris, I came across a woman in action, so I beat a hasty retreat. That she was also embarrassed was palpable.

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Why go through this agony – and that for a few disillusioned bampots who haven’t mastered (sorry, can’t find a feminine synonym) their own hang-ups.

Genuine feminists carry my respect. They list authentic reasons for their unhappiness within what has undoubtedly been a male-dominated society.

But this is being addressed and positive strides are being made. All this without them having to foist crazy rules on the males.

Lighten up, pleads my Heidi, and tells a “feminist” joke.

Two women were fighting for the last available seat on the bus.

In desperation the male driver shouts: “The bus policy is to allow the seat to go to the uglier one.”

Both women stood for the remainder of the trip.