I learn from grumpy Aunty Doek

Some years ago, the lovely Snapdragon arrived home with a plaque saying: Here lives a cute chick with a grumpy old man.

I don’t dispute that she is cute. She is cute as a tigress with a toothache.  But I’m not grumpy. Not yet, but I’m working on it.

I have never made a secret of my ambition to become a grumpy old man – the neighbour who refuses to allow schoolboys to retrieve their tennis ball from my property after a badly timed shot during a game of backyard cricket.

My late father was grumpy. As a child, I envied other boys who had friendly dads. But the years bring wisdom – today I realise he was much cooler than any of those pretentiously friendly blokes.

One evening in the ’70s, a salesman rang our door bell. He was probably trying to sell encyclopaedias or a vacuum cleaner. I can’t quite remember.

My father didn’t want to speak to him because he was listening to his sports programme on the radio.

“I’m busy now, phone me tomorrow,” my father told him.

“I don’t have your number,” he said and took a little black book and a stubby pencil from his jacket’s inner pocket.

“It’s in the phone directory,” my dad said.

“But I don’t have your surname,” the salesman replied. “It’s also in the directory,” said my old man and shut the door.

Nowadays, we don’t have phone directories or door-to-door salesmen any more.

Normal families don’t have such grumpy fathers either. But we do have that aunty with the doek.

I think she must be the grumpiest person in SA after the Western Cape High Court has ruled that the tobacco sales ban during the hard lockdown was unconstitutional and not necessary.

It’s my new year’s resolution to become as grumpy as my dad in 2021, but I’m still well behind NDZ.

She has indicated that she will appeal the ruling because when people zol … Which a lot of people see as a threat of a new cigarette ban.

On Wednesday, I have noticed that my favourite Bangladeshi shopkeepers have pre-emptively raised their cigarette prices by 10%. Which made me 50% grumpier.

And if she does decide to ban smokes again, I’ll be well on my way to reach my dream. Aunty Doek, you’re my role model!

Dirk Lotriet.

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