How I wish all conspiracy theorists were miners

Arguing with a conspiracy theorist you need to know your facts – and the Bible – I realise, standing behind him in the queue waiting for my Covid-19 jab.

His angry blue eyes have already seen me as a “hensopper” when I tell the lady behind me of my tremendous relief for getting vaccinated.

Registration was a breeze and the queue is moving fast. The two of us rave about the slick process at the Germiston government hospital – and that’s when his thick neck whips around.

“At least the government is doing something right, ne,” he snaps.

But this boertjie isn’t talking politics; he just wants an ear or two to vent, because the last thing he wants is to stand in this queue for this ungodly jab, we gather during his Bible-thumping time.

Verse and chapter we hear how his body is a temple; his God has promised to protect him, not some jab; his God. We don’t argue.

But when he comes to “the Mark of the Beast” I just have to mumble “it’s an injection; there won’t be a mark” – which just injects him with more fury.

He is now on to science: “They can’t find a cure for cancer in decades, but when this pest hit, voila, a cure, just like that.”

I’m on steadier ground when I don’t have to quote scriptures and decide to totally wing it: “No, it’s not a new cure. They’ve been working on a vaccine forever and when Covid hit, just adapted it to have an RNA receptacle that will change your body cells into fighters.”

I’m sure my “RNA” is a defunct news agency, but, praise the Lord, he doesn’t challenge me. In fact,
my cocky ramble turns me into an instant authority and I field a stream of questions from all around: “How long before you have immunity?” “Is one injection enough?” “I read people die days
after they got inoculated…”

I allay fears the best I can and think government has its work cut out: our people are not educated.

We’re at the front of the queue when I tap Ol’ Blue Eyes on the shoulder: “Why are you getting the jab then?” I ask. “I’m a miner. They won’t allow me on the premises without it.”

Oh how I wish all conspiracy theorists are miners…