Here’s hoping that love conquers all

A friend of mine who has the same upbringing as me (from a strict Nigerian Christian household) speaks a lot about eloping with the future love of her life, whom she’s only recently met. I listen in fascination as she describes him to me, tall, dark-skinned, handsome … and a Muslim from the far northern part of Nigeria.

As far as I know, Nigerian parents outside Nigeria encourage their children to marry other Nigerians.

Depending on how conservative your parents are, you could marry a Nigerian from any corner of the country – or your options could be limited to marrying only within your tribe, or only within your religion.

And if you’re Christian, your options could be narrowed down to marrying within your specific dominion.

I have heard of people even within my family who couldn’t marry someone because she’s Catholic and he’s Methodist, and the families disapproved.

I can only speak about what I know – and I know I don’t want to be the first to bring home a Muslim … because I know the backlash would be unimaginable.

African studies experts Insa Nolte and Rebecca Jones did a study: Who is most likely to be in favour of inter-religious marriage in southwestern Nigeria?

Their report said: “One of the questions we asked in our survey was whether respondents could advise someone else to marry someone of a different religion. In phrasing the question in this way, we were asking respondents not about the particular circumstances of their own lives, but rather their views on inter-religious marriage in general. There was no clear consensus on this question, although there was some preference against interreligious marriage: 43.3% said they would not advise interreligious marriage, 31.5% said they could advise it and a further 25.1% said ‘it depends’.

“It does seem likely that more men than women may be in favour of interreligious marriage because men often expect women to convert to their religion on marrying them. As a result, men may be more inclined to see interreligious marriage as unproblematic, while women may be more aware of the demands that such a marriage may make on them”.

I couldn’t agree with this last statement more because, surely, it would be difficult to be in a marriage where both people cling to their own different faiths? It’s clear both sides would have to compromise – and it’s usually the woman who has to give up the most from her single life.

This might not be the topical discussion in the beginning of the relationship – the sunshine period– but as time passes, this becomes the biggest elephant in the room.

It works for a few people, but not for everyone … and if you were in this circumstance, what would you be willing to compromise on?

My friend recently went on a date and found out the guy is Muslim. Although I know she’s genuinely attracted to him, I know this latest discovery excites her even more.

I watch her gush about their future together, after just one date… and I pray that the gods of both faiths give their future love the strength to conquer all.

Chisom Jenniffer Okoye.

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