Ganging up on parliament

It’s about time gangsters are given a voice. After all, they’re part of the community and deserve to be party to the democratic process.

They should’ve formed a political party. Up to now, only the naïve, hard-working, honest citizens enjoy the luxury of having the vote. How unfair. I mean, criminals live on their wits. No easy task with cops breathing down their necks.

They’re schooled on the streets where only the strong survive. And what of the brown envelopes filled with cash to keep like-minded cops and embedded contemporaries at bay? They’re also obliged to fill church collection plates to allow for their dead to be given a dignified burial.

These monies have to come from somewhere, so they work much harder. No nine-to-five jobs for them. Car jackings are hazardous and take careful planning. Same with bank and cash-in-transit robberies.

With a legitimate political party, they could’ve operated in the open. And think of the money saved. Free travel and accommodation would’ve allowed them to spread their criminal interests to greener pastures. And with eNCA coverage, they would’ve enjoyed the exposure that had for so long been denied them.

In the run-up to elections they could’ve come up with catchy slogans such as, “Poo to Pravin”. Or, “Down With Whistleblowers”. Or, “Crime DOES Pay”. And they could’ve insisted on carrying guns as their democratic right.

Parliamentary sessions would’ve become more exciting. With .38s visible, even Malema’s red rabble-rousers would have cowered under the benches. What they would not have foreseen was Aunty Pat back in parliament. They would then have had to carefully watch their movements because it was she who bulleted the Zuma/Shaik arms’ deal.

Good news for law-abiding citizens who are hopeful the revived Bheki Cele brigade will flush them out, allowing the cleansed National Prosecuting Authority to throw the book at them.

With that I’m shaken awake by my Heidi who spotted the maniacal smile on my sleeping face. She probably thought I was experiencing a romantic interlude. If only that were true.

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