Fixing my Covid-19 ailments

That little statement on social media sets tongues wagging. Canada’s Brenda, who never talks to me, is first in with “me too, I also have a toothache. And you’re right.”

The list of “me toos” grows by the minute: John from Ohio complains – a lot; Shelley from Ireland is chewing cloves to numb her pain; Cora from Texas recommends the clove oil she is using; Lorna from London drops her diva pose for a second to reveal she, too, is a mere mortal who feels my pain…

Closer to home, Port Elizabeth’s Ms Biggs tells me she’s suffering; Belinda from George is having sleepless nights; Jannie Kruger from Pretoria is nearly in tears – and the list of likes grows to over 60 who commiserate. Still closer, I find out a colleague, like me, can swear he is in childbirth because of That Tooth.

Tired of hiding under my pillow – and, frankly, tired of the tears – I look for a dentist; that species I have not seen in over a decade. I find her: fresh out of dental school with no clients yet because she had to wait for her orange high-tech chair from China for three months because of Covid-19. She’s cheap and lovely. She says not a word about the state of my mouth.

I am not admonished because of either nicotine stains or plaque building up over the years. She climbs in and does what she knows best. I hear about infections that bubble and squeak because it can’t release pressure – “that’s where your pain comes from” – and get antibiotics.

A week later I’m still ducking and diving, but she bullies me back into her chair and gently gets rid of my Covid Tooth. And it’s a Covid Tooth, I decide.

All these complaints from across the world are not because the universe is aligning somehow to arrange a bad tooth day. It’s because we wash our hands too much. Brushing goes out the window. That routine of brushing, getting dressed and going off to work is long past. Now we fall out of bed, make coffee and log on to work. Who cares about a smelly breath? Hide it behind a mask. Next?

My Covid Elbow – that one that turns into a bedsore in just a week because it’s my prop for binge-watching on my phone in bed at night…

Carine Hartman.

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