A case of stolen identity

My wife’s Facebook account has been hacked … and Facebook’s taking the hackers’ side. The lovely Snapdragon doesn’t take this unfairness lightly.

The hackers are hiding behind the safety of their computer screens, but I’m completely exposed to her fury and have to flee to my office daily to lick my wounds.

Weeks ago, she suddenly realised she can’t get into her account or gossip on Messenger. She contacted Facebook immediately and they locked her account. Later, she created a new profile and life seemed to be back to normal … until yesterday.

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Several of her friends told her that her profile is used to peddle a sleezy scam, complete with promises of huge profits within hours. Her friends reported the scoundrels.

She contacted Facebook again to complain about the hackers using her name and contact base for their dark purposes and even submitted her ID to prove that she is indeed the infamous Snapdragon.

But Facebook replied that they are completely happy with her account being in the caring hands of a bunch of filthy social media con artists. They sent a friendly e-mail saying, albeit not in those exact words, that they condone financial scams and that identity theft is completely in line with their community standards.

To add insult to injury, they informed her that, despite her identity document claiming the opposite, she doesn’t have an idea who she really is. She’s not the lovely Snapdragon, they insisted, but a man called TK Athenkosi. Which is upsetting.

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I’m convinced Mr Athenkosi isn’t capable of nearly as much mischief as Snapdragon can do on her own profile, but this is just wrong.

Call me old-fashioned, but I really don’t want to be married to a bloke named TK. T(se)k! I’ve gone to my own profile to change my relationship from “married” to “it’s complicated”.

Not that my marriage to the complex Snapdragon was anything but complicated before, but Mr Zuckerberg’s tacit approval of profile hijacking is the last straw.

Speaking of Zuckerberg, I have read that he has accepted a challenge by Elon Musk to a cage fight. Mark, please contact us. Snapdragon would love to meet you in a MMA cage. I think she’ll beat the ginger out of you. Deservedly so, I’d say…

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