Every single mom raising a son is enough

“A mother’s love doesn’t make her son more dependent and timid; it actually makes him stronger and more independent,” said Cheri Fuller.

I am a prime example of such a son. My mother raised a good human being. I believe that a lot of people can attest to that.

Over the past few years, I have been on a lot of television and radio panels that focus on the topic of “why are so many fathers absent?”

Society continues to grapple with this phenomenon of absent fathers. We then delve deeper into why these fathers are particularly absent in the lives of their sons.

Talking about this social ill should always be at the top of the agenda, but it should not make us forget the great work that many single mothers are doing in raising their sons to be better men.

Last week I got three texts on my social media platforms from single moms who are raising sons. According to them, the fathers of their children want nothing to do with their sons. The mommies want to force the fathers to parent. They don’t want the father’s money. All they want is for them to be present or active fathers in their son’s lives.

Sadly, they will never be able to force them to do what they don’t want to do. I reminded them that their love and support for their sons is more than enough. They must shift their focus to being good mothers.

It then dawned on me that I was also raised by a single mother. Every time I look at how far I have come, I realise that my mother did a fantastic job in raising me, singlehandedly. Of course, my mom, just like them, could not control how society influenced me outside of her care. However, she focused her energies on being the best parent to me. This is something that they should try to practise as well.

I know it was not easy for my mom, but I can see the benefits of her focusing on raising me than on who is not around. It allowed her love for me to make me stronger. I am often associated with words such as, gentle, thoughtful, kind and that I am an embodiment of chivalry.

All this is because of the soft nurturing of my mother. In a regressive world that still wants to teach boys to be hard people who do not talk about their feelings, I turned out well. I doubt I would have turned out the same if my father was present.

The conversation with the single moms encouraged me to revise my attitude towards the fight against absent fathers. I want to start to encourage single mothers to nurture the masculinity of their sons the best way they know how. Because “the mother’s heart is the child’s schoolroom,” as Henry Ward Beecher said.

In essence, our mothers are enough.

In the words of Shannon L. Alder, I conclude:“To be a mother of a son is one of the most important things you can do to change the world. Raise them to respect women, raise them to stand up for others, raise them to be kind.”

Kabelo Chabalala is the founder and chairperson of the Young Men Movement (YMM), an organisation that focuses on the reconstruction of the socialisation of boys to create a new cohort of men. Email: kabelo03chabalala@gmail.com; Twitter: @KabeloJay; Facebook: Kabelo Chabalala

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