Escape plan: Ace Magashule shows hand

Given the uncertainties facing Jacob Zuma, Ace Magashule and Julius Malema, it’s not inconceivable their discussions centre around their future.

Despite prolonged pussyfooting by the ANC regarding the step aside issue with Ace, and the hesitation of law enforcement agencies – and lately the Constitutional Court – in the case of Zuma, the corrupt comrades must realise ultimately they’ll face internment.

The evidence against them is far too strong. Hence the Nkandla tea for two at a time.

Having got to know their sly techniques by now, three probable scenarios could’ve taken place.

Says Julius: “Uncle Jacob, there’s only one way. I’ll personally recruit the best skollies to take to the streets, and you know what chaos they cause.

“They’ll do anything for a barrel of KFC, a six pack and T-shirts emblazoned with ‘Zuma matters most’. We’ll make the country ungovernable until you’re allowed to retire gracefully. Oh, and this time I’ll really die for you.”

From Jacob: “Heh-heh-heh. Drink up your Earl Grey, son.”

When Ace and Jacob have their session, the discussion is more intelligent with Ace doing most of the talking.

“Jacob, I reckon the only way to escape jail is to pull out for good. Our mutual savings in New Delhi, Abu Dhabi and Beijing would allow us a life of luxury without the law breathing down our necks.

“And what’s more, our Gupta pals would make sure we get the best properties. I’ll motor down with my family to Nkandla, and from there we charter a plane to Abu Dhabi. I mean, you still have your contacts – remember the notorious wedding?

“And we’ll use Juju, the smartass wimp, to get people to do a protest march as a decoy while we slip away.

“Carl the Famed Fake will keep the media scratching their numbed heads. Both he and Julius must be kept out of our plans. They’re bound to spill the beans after a glugging session.

“I’ll probably appear once in court and get bail. That’s when we make our move.

“Hey, Jacob, wake up – ag, no umhlobo, you’ve been sleeping”.

“Heh-heh-heh. Sorry, what move?”

With a sigh, Ace replaces the teapot with a decanter.