Early adventures in journalism: My penis-enlargement journey

Once upon a time, I worked at a lifestyle magazine as a writer. We were sent a set of penis-enlarging products for review. I was assigned to review the penis-enlarging course.

I’m not sure why I was assigned to review those penis-enlarging products. I mean, I was keen to do it, in the spirit of journalist enquiry. But it’s important to realise that I was not desperate for penis enlarging. At the same time, I was not going to say no to penis enlarging.

Ready for my assignment, I went home with my penis enlarging kit, and eagerly awaited an evening when my housemates would be out. The kit itself consisted of an enormous tube of cream, some kind of brochure, and a VHS cassette.

Like I said, this was a while ago.

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Eventually I had the house to myself. I loaded up the videotape, and the screen fizzed to life. There was a bespectacled, middle-aged Afrikaans man with a moustache. It quickly became clear that my penis journey was not going to be a sexy one.

The screen split into two frames, the other featuring a waist-down image of a penis model. The uncle with the glasses would describe a particular penis-stretching exercise, and the model would then demonstrate.

I can’t remember all of the exercises, least of all their names, but the ones that have stayed with me have descriptive titles like Around The World, Peeping Around the Corner and The Garden Tap. The best way to categorise them is that they were various types of dynamic stretches, a kind of groin yoga.

I thought, let me just try this course for a bit, and see. I am a very diligent person and a dedicated journalist. I got into my work.

At the office, we decided that  I should follow the course for about six weeks and then we would check the results. “Make Around The World part of your daily routine,” said the man. Weeding The Garden was another of those exercises, I remember now.

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Initial results were encouraging, and I looked forward to delivering a positive piece of reportage. Then, a couple of weeks later, I received some disappointing news.

Because of the  economy, my magazine would be relocating, and I would unfortunately not be joining them. Certain policy decisions were made, and my penis-enlarging piece was dropped from the issue.

This made me feel a certain type of way.

Like I say, results had been encouraging. By this stage, there was no doubting the tale of the tape. I was sitting on a stimulating piece of content, and I had no one to share it with. I approached some of my freelance partners, but they were less than enthusiastic.

For a few weeks, I really tried to get the word out about this miracle penis-enlarging course. But you’d be surprised how little people care about the size of your penis. It appears to be a more of a personal issue, with a certain self-confidence component.

Keen writer as I am, I have been walking around for years with all of this penis-enlarging knowledge and experience, and no one to share it with. Fortunately, I have now been able to let it expose it to the market, as it were.

I do appreciate you joining me on my penis journey. I thank you.

Hagen Engler.

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