Heartfelt apology for slowing down Cape Town even more

So, I must apologise to all the Gautengers who spent the past weekend in Cape Town. I was the guy driving a six-speed Quantum bus at 100km/h in the right-hand lane on the N1, the N2, the M300 and every other highway and byway in the Mother City.

You see, I rented this awesome little bus because my baby got married in the colony. Apart from being MC at the wedding, father of the bride, paternal regulator of our crazy little family and butler to the wife, I was also the designated driver.

Headcount: wife, three daughters, two sons-in-law, one in the making who is now the third son, three grandchildren. Eleven bums on 11 seats. Check. Not that we’re bums, but hey, we’re in Cape Town… Off we go.

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I know Cape Town is slow. And all Capetonians prefer it this way. But for us from the Vaal, speed is part of our lives. So, I get the bus at the airport and head out. Estimated travel time: 35 minutes. I give it gas. The bus roars and accelerates like a 10-year-old who has just been stung by a bee.

Then, into sixth, indicator on, and I’m in the fast lane. But then the bus starts purring like my baby daughter’s fat cat when he parks his backside in the middle of her double bed. Purring, but no action. I put all my weight into it and press the accelerator pedal so hard that it feels I’m denting the floorboard. Nothing.

I’m stuck on 105 and in deep trouble. What the hell is wrong with the bus? I couldn’t have broken it. Then I see the sticker on the dashboard. The bus is fitted with something called a speed governor. It prevents it from going any faster than the set limit. I had heard about this device before, but never experienced it. Four days of extreme frustration.

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So, herewith my honest, deepfelt apology for slowing down Cape Town even more and frustrating all the Vaalies who shared the road with me. Weird though, is that no car with a CA number plate overtook me the entire weekend.