Crystal clear on race

I read something written by someone who has something to do with the so-called Institute of Race Relations.

I’ve heard things about this institute. I don’t know if these things are true.

To be honest, I don’t actually remember what I heard about them. I seem to recall thinking, these aren’t good people.

Then again, I could just as easily have thought, thank heaven that we still have people like this in South Africa.

I am not the most reliable source, although I’ll always defend my position to the death.

Apparently, Labour Minister Nomakhosazana Meth told parliament that she was hiring an army of 20 000 social justice neophytes to swoop on offices countrywide to verify if there are sufficient black people employed.

It sounded unlikely, so I googled Meth and discovered that she is, in fact, a drug easily made with inexpensive over-the-counter ingredients such as pseudoephedrine.

That would explain why she’s so hyperactive when it comes to enforcing laws that ensure white people stay in their lane and wait their turn, preferably at OR Tambo airport’s emigration counter.

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As it happens, it’s true.

The department of employment and labour has indeed been staging “blitz joint inspections and compliance raids” across the country.

I agree there should be joint inspectors. Rolling skills just aren’t what they used to be. People have become lazy, smoking bottlenecks and whatnot.

Also, why employment and labour? Is it because there are people who are employed but don’t do much in the way of labour or because there are people who do labour without being employed?

It’s all very confusing. Not, I imagine, as bewildering as it might be to suddenly have your desk surrounded by a patrol of glittery-eyed interns quivering with hormones and hubris, demanding proof of your race.

How do you prove you’re not white? Documents can be forged. Will the squadron leader press “play” on his phone and if you don’t know the difference between Shangaan electro and mbaqanga, or can’t dance to kwaito, you’re dragged out into the street?

What kind of conversations are happening around the water cooler?

“Howzit Gary.” “My name’s Themba.” “No, bru. I know a Gary when I see one. It’s cool. You can trust me.” “Seriously. I’m Themba. From Sandhurst.” “Code Red! We have an imposter! Unleash the hounds!”

In a government statement on Monday, a day ahead of Comrade “Crystal” Meth’s press conference, they referred to the “sting operations” that are being carried out.

The what? A sting operation involves some kind of deception. How would this even work?

Have companies been infiltrated by white people posing as black or black people pretending to be white to find out if BEE quotas are being ignored?

Do they slip a dog into offices and determine the different race groups according to how they react?

Meth is leading the crackdown from the front. Last week, backed by a team subjected to rigorous testing for any traces of Caucasian blood, she swooped on premises in parts of the Eastern Cape.

They netted an impressive total of seven (7) foreign nationals working illegally.

Over four days the week before, a staggering 81 non-documented workers were arrested, along with their employees – always a good strategy for job-creation.

These employers are subjected to a draconian R2 500 fine per arrested person.

That’ll be a lesson they won’t forget in a hurry.

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Meth said yesterday that employers unsure of their compliance with labour laws were “invited” to “proactively engage” with her department.

Ah, okay. That’s the sting operation she was talking about. She recommends voluntary “collaboration”.

Hmm. Things haven’t always gone well with collaborators in this country. She also said employers would be offered “turnaround strategies”.

I imagine this involves encouraging recalcitrant bosses to turn around and go back to England, or wherever it is the government thinks white people come from.

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Meanwhile, Moeletsi “Uncle Tom” Mbeki has said that the Employment Equity Act should be scrapped.

He believes the state “should help entrepreneurs to develop new businesses, irrespective of their race”.

It is this kind of incendiary, subversive talk that should be banned. South Africa was built on the foundations of our racial differences.

Successive National Party governments worked long and hard at getting us to appreciate that we aren’t all the same and that people of one skin colour deserve special treatment over those of another.

We would be doing a disservice to the Verwoerds, Bothas and De Klerks if we were to abandon race-based policies and give jobs willy-nilly to the best qualified.

Let us stand shoulder to shoulder – without necessarily touching – and fight to uphold South Africa’s proud tradition of discriminating according to race.

Our children’s children’s children’s children must never be allowed to think they are entitled to employment simply because they are the best person for a particular job.

Meritocracies are doomed to fail. Look at Singapore. With its foolhardy business-friendly approach and lack of focus on skin colour, the city is only the fourth wealthiest in the world.

Fourth. That’s pathetic. This proves that we need Race Inspectors now more than ever.

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