Covid-19: Turning friends into strangers

The void left by a routine that was disrupted for over seven months can have severe consequences. The absence of the non-virtual sessions with the boys I mentor at the Young Men Movement (YMM) has turned the boys I have known so well into complete strangers.

Throughout the lockdown, I have been excited about the personal progress and growth I have been enjoying. However, this past Saturday delivered the most upsetting side about the new normal we have been living under.

After the exchange of pleasantries, the loud laughs, elbow greetings and the longing to hug someone and having to remember that it wouldn’t be wise to do so, it dawned on me that I was with strangers. I realised that I was in a room full of people I know and can identify physically and call by names, but with a different aura, terminology and behaviour.

For the past months, the boys have had a lot of time with their families, as their immediate family members were the only people they couldn’t stay away from. They attended classes ad hoc. Now that it is exam time, they simply go to school, write their respective papers and go straight home.

Their homes were supposed to be havens for the improvements we have had over the years in the different aspects of their lives; educationally, emotionally, psychologically, socially and otherwise. To my utter shock, they have been the total opposite. Regression.

But I still couldn’t recognise these young men fully. The progress we made has regressed significantly. In the beginning of the lockdown, I pleaded with parents and guardians through this column to engage more with their children.

For me, the total shutdown, the working and studying from home presented a perfect opportunity for parents to instill certain principles in the lives of their children.

Furthermore, I had hoped that the parents and guardians would help enhance what we had been building with the boys. I guess they also have their own worries besides parenting.

We had virtual meetings on WhatsApp. It also felt like a safer space for most of them as they opened up to me so easily through our chats. I was very convinced that all was going well with them, until I asked them about what they had been up to.

The boys, who are 14 years old and above, spoke about “stocko”, referring to girls. I was fuming because we have addressed the issue of objectifying people, especially girls and women.

Most of them didn’t have neat hair or haircuts. They also didn’t know much about which current affairs topics were trending. The truth of the matter is, before we discontinued our sessions these boys used to watch news voluntarily and daily.

The lads were conscious of what they said and how they said it. They were neat. They didn’t have untidy and abandoned hair.

Where our book club was concerned, I also ensured that the boys could collect books to read and keep growing the culture of reading we were nurturing. They read the books. They were even coming back for more as weeks and months went by. Their willingness to read and understand literature was blossoming.

What leaves me frustrated and disappointed is this: some of the damages coronavirus inflicted isn’t visible or tangible yet. In the long run, we are going to realise that this is more than just a virus. It has come to steal, kill and destroy.

Strange as it may sound, perhaps, I am also a stranger to these young men that were mentees and friends to me.

Kabelo Chabalala is the founder and chairperson of the Young Men Movement (YMM), an organisation that focuses on the reconstruction of the socialisation of boys to create a new cohort of men.

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