Covid-19 conspiracies: ‘I have not been doing my research’

Hello. My name is Brendan. I am a sheep. Not the clever sheep in the Monty Python cartoon. Just a normal sheep, characterised by the fact that 1) I am dim and 2) I cannot think for myself. I wear a mask when I go out in public.

That is because 1) I am dim and 2) I cannot think for myself; and, also, because 3) I did not do My Own Research. Had I done so – and followed brave oracles like Nick Hudson and the rest of the people at Panda (Pandemics Data Analysis) who have discovered the Truth They Don’t Want You To Know – I would have burned all my masks. I am a sheep, though.

Because I have not done my research properly, I do not believe that this Chinese-made and released “coronavirus” is an attempt to attack the rest of the world. Nor do I believe its origin is being covered up. Again, being of the persuasion of the type of animal which generally ends its days swimming in mint sauce, I have not realised that Covid-19 is not much worse than “an ordinary flu”.

It has a tiny mortality rate, of less than 0.01%. Was I not too afraid to ask the difficult questions, I would have realised this is nothing less than a sophisticated global plot by “Them” to control “Us”. But I am a sheep, so I do not listen to the wise words of Nick Hudson who, as an actuary, is bound to know all there is to know about virology and epidemiology.

Funnily enough, a sheep must have a good memory because I cannot forget Mr Genius Hudson’s vehement assessment – right at the beginning of the pandemic last year – that “not more than 10 000” South Africans would die from Covid-19. And, silly, brainwashed me, I accept the official government figure that, so far – a long way from safety from this disease – we have already lost 60 000 people in our country.

Had I looked closer, I would realise that these figures, and overcrowded hospitals, hearses running shifts and the anguished messages on social media from more and more people who have lost a loved one or friend … well, had I been fortunate to have the insight of Hudson, et al, I would have realised this is all part of a plot:

“They” control the “Mainstream Media” and are using them to foist the most dastardly lie in history on the planet and its people. Even worse, as a sheep, I accepted blindly that having a vaccination would give me a little protection – and for those around me. I would not accept that thousands have died within days of being given the vaccination. And people like Discovery Health CEO Ryan Noach who says none of the group’s 90 000 members who had the jab (up to about a week ago) had died after it – well they are all part of the conspiracy, aren’t they? The fact that I have had no side effects (not even a sore arm) from the jab means I have not been doing my research.

Had I done so, I’d have realised I will die from such side effects a few years from now. Excuse me … I must sit down. Okay. I’m back now. I felt a little light-headed – probably because sheep are, to all intents and purposes, brainless. I must sign off now. I believe the chip in my brain has just activated and, as I look out of my window, I see the legions of blank-eyed sheep lining up, ready to march. We are ready, oh Great Lord Bill Gates, to do your bidding…