Children deserve the best

Older but wiser took on a new meaning tonight.

Let’s call them extended family but their shit still rubs off on me and mine – but I had the answer.

Not that anyone listened. In fact, they got all huffy and left the room to go and whisper poison apple behind closed doors.

But I know my advice was spot-on: If you have kids, guess who comes first.

And it’s not your ego.

Swallow, girl. Pride has no room where babies crawl.

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You’re 20 and have your first baby. Check.

Get married because he needs a dad. Check.

But father is 20 too. Both trapped? Check.

How I wish for her a Beloved 10 years my senior who allowed, child-bride me, to party with whomever till the sun comes up while he holds the baby.

He was my first and undeniable best lesson in unconditional love: “I may be jealous and wonder if I can trust you, but know, I’m here. Waiting.”

And I always ran back. Like he did, irrespective of how many times he stumbled, whether it’s the brandy at the bottom of his glass or some bird with feathers misting up his glass-bottom lenses.

“But she left him for a lesbian friend,” I hear.

Yes, so did my forever best friend when her relationship didn’t work out.

But you know what? She always went back for that thing of French Olympian Anthony Ammirati that knocked the bar off during his pole vault at the Games.

But it’s not games.

You, however young you chose to make love without a glove, made a choice. That choice didn’t choose to face this life.

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That choice now only hungers only for you and your love. That choice is a defenceless child who will be shaped by your next choice.

Choose to let the lion eat your ego and take pride in your victory, of “she’ll never hurt me again”.

But know your cub will carry scars of your choice. Forever.

Children deserve the best: both parents. Not bitter words; not anger; not your egos fighting each other. They just want you.

They understand living separation – and I’m sure it’s different from death, my kids will tell you.

All they want is less “look what you did to me.”

And that was my lesson last night: less of the “me”, more of the “them”.

They are so worth it. So grow up, ffs. I need to see my grandchild again…