Children are products of homes and environments they grow in

The matter of Lavern José arises and we all had an opinion. The anger is loud and the Twitter streets again remind us that your actions will follow you. These are children, who become adults with homes and familial roots.

When do we, as parents, own up to the responsibility that our children are far more than the angelic faces that smile to us in their homes, when are they more than our bundles of joy … to others they are the reason they cannot go to school or even public spaces.

We want to shout that they be punished but, as parents, why are we not held accountable?

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I will never forget what my father used to say: my behaviour is an extension of his parenting abilities.

At both my and my brother’s weddings, he said how we would conduct ourselves spoke to his parenting successes and failures. I appreciated everything he said.

My father meant he was with me and, up until his dying day, he was accountable for my behaviour.

And as I have parented only for my four-year-old, this has been my motto: how my son conducts himself reflects my parenting, too. I remain in close contact with the school, I am an active and present parent, no matter how overworked and with a full plate… I refuse to let him slip beyond my observations and possible interventions.

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While my son – and every child – is not a miniature version of those that raise them, they are the products of the homes and environments that they grow in. They are the extensions of homes with either no rules, or rules that guide them …

We may be livid at the children that perpetuate these crimes, but after our anger subsides, do we ask ourselves where are their parents? How can they be that oblivious to their children’s conduct and behaviour?

While I cannot account for my son’s every move and decision, how I perceive his behaviour informs what he thinks he can get away with.

Children are responsive to our guidelines. It’s not just bullies we must question in an incident so sad, so damning. It is also the role of the parents that we have to register, dissect and learn from.

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