Can’t afford something? How to say a wicked no

My friend sent me a message: did I want to go to the theatre with him, his boyfriend and their friend, because another friend had pulled out last minute, so they had a spare ticket?

They were going to watch a touring production of Wicked, a musical I’d already seen on Broadway no less, with my mum and little sister.

We’d loved it, and afterwards we had a slice of New York pizza in Times Square under crazy neon lights – a precious memory that I didn’t want to taint. But I had nothing on, no excuses and, to be honest, I was a bit chuffed to be picked above their many younger, cooler friends.

So I said yes. And then I got the reply: “Brilliant! The ticket was €86.50. Is that okay?” I nearly fell off my chair. Now, if you’re in Europe the rule is you don’t convert euros into rands or your head will explode, and yet… that’s R1 700! My head exploded.

Immediately, the urge to see Wicked (again) dissipated, to be replaced with the dull feeling that I’d been chosen not because I was fabulous, but because I could afford it. I had an urgent need to get out of it.

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How though? I thought of reasons, of a sudden thing I had to do that I’d forgotten about, like a visit to Beirut, or a lobotomy. “Tell them you can’t afford it,” said my son, who couldn’t. “Tell them you’ll give them €8,” said Himself, giggling like a lunatic at the price.

Or maybe tell them the truth, I thought, that I was fine to go on a freebie, and I’d love their company, and I’d certainly have bought a round of drinks in thanks, but if I’d wanted to watch Wicked (again) I’d have bought my own ticket and gone with someone for whom I wasn’t a standby.

I felt stressed, briefly, and then I replied. “That does kinda change things,” I said. “It’s too much for me to spend, especially since I already saw it. I thought it was just a spare ticket going begging.

“Sorry.” A round of apologies ensued, and I thought about what I should have just said in the first place: No. Because life is short. Because No is a complete sentence. And you can always temper it with thank you.

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