Can we get free NHI dagga?

Hear me out… dagga is cheap. If everybody can just be high and sit around, it’s probably less likely that they’ll be in expensive accidents and require expensive surgery. They’ll also be pretty thirsty too and drink plenty of water that might even curb the need for diabetes medication and dialysis.

Suddenly National Health Insurance (NHI) doesn’t seem so bad or expensive. It’s not like the economy is doing much anyway. Who knows? If the country is too high to work, maybe it will also be too high to keep scoring own goals.

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Lots of countries have been progressive with medicinal marijuana, even our own. It’s obviously silly but the more I think about it, the more it sounds like the best of a bunch of bad ideas. And we’ve been waiting on some weed legislation since that Constitutional Court confirmation back in 2018, so it’s not like there hasn’t been enough time to think about this.

It will be great… somehow those Eastern Cape motorcycle ambulances will finally make sense and so, too, will the idea of legislation with the ambition of putting entire JSE listed companies “out of business”.

If we were all high, our biggest problem would be the inability to charge our vaporisers so we’d have to revert to the old school flame to light up. The high sales records of BMW, Land Rover and Mercedes in July 2020 will no longer hurt our heads.

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Would it not be lekker to just give up on giving a damn about corruption because you feel so good regardless? Of course it would, just like it would when you forget to pick up your social grant but it doesn’t matter because the kids are too high to complain about being hungry.

Heck, we’d probably even be willing to pay our TV licences just to watch insurance ads all day and laugh at a silly-sounding grunting hippo. We may even start communicating in whatever language that is.

Fortunately, we wouldn’t have to go through the effort of changing the constitution to include it as an official language because who would have the energy to actually do any work in the legislature?

I may even find myself in agreement with irrational sound-bites that dismiss my opinion, views and insights based on the colour of my skin.

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I’d love to be okay with my existing medical aid being the reason that my concerns are automatically repelled. I’d need to be really stoned for that. Perhaps on that front we should be giving free weed intravenously.

Imagine a South Africa where you don’t have to feel offended by getting nothing for your rates and taxes because now you are… Imagine a South Africa where the state doesn’t fix your problems. Better yet, it makes it so you don’t care about them. That’s much cheaper.

So let’s do this NHI thing and give me that sweet weed because I’m going to need it. Once I’ve had some, I’ll tell you about all my other ideas to fix the country.

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We can decrease unemployment by changing the workforce age range to 33-37. We can improve energy availability by cutting off KwaZulu-Natal. We can have more teachers by dropping diplomas from blimps.

Wait until you hear my plan to address inequality. It involves banning money. I’d love that and not just because I was ripped off by a petrol attendant who sold me a half full match box 30 minutes ago. I’m pretty sure it was low quality swazi.

Can’t wait for the government to help me get my own back and put him out of his side business. Bring on the NHI and give me some good weed so I can avoid having to fix South Africa please… because it doesn’t seem like fixing it is a priority… so we may as well enjoy what we can.

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