Call up the old brigade to govern

This piece is based on a dream while under the knife. It’s no secret we lack parliamentarians with the know-how to run the country with any measure of efficiency.

Maybe with one exception: Pravin Gordhan, who’s not only knowledgeable, he knows how to dig deep into tax shirkers’ pockets.

For president. Sorry, Cyril, in my book you awoke too late. For the rest?

From the machine gunner to the education and social welfare wreckers, they’re all incompetent.

But with whom do we replace them – if we had the power to hire and fire? Let’s consider some of the characters who’ve been there and done it properly.

Finances must go back to Trevor Manuel, who’s not only a whiz with the numbers, he’s able to make even drunks laugh despite putting up the infamous Sin Tax.

And the power he wields with his signature is awesome. Remember, he wrote the cheque for the notorious arms deal. Okay, how was he to know the whole exercise was fraudulent?

Crime remains a major problem, so who better equipped to catch the baddies than Schabir Shaik?

His experience will equip him to spot any loopholes in the law used by crooked defence lawyers to get the corrupt off the hook. Parole requests another speciality – no sick shammers will get past him.

Religion is very much part of our make-up, so who better to handle the housing portfolio than Alan Boesak? He’ll give succour to souls suffering in the cold and wet without roofs over their heads.

And he’ll not tolerate fraudulent building tenderees who put up houses of straw. He’ll handle his budget with care – knowing the consequences of putting fingers into the cookie jar.

His deputy? Somebody outside the political arena with similar religious tendencies.

Like the charismatic Ray McCauley, whose fund-raising exploits would help build many more units in informal settlements.

There are many more dying to again get their hands on the money, sorry, the plough, using their god-given expertise to give the country a semblance of normality.

They can’t be any worse than the present lot – at least they’re more entertaining. The surgeon’s wake-up call ended the dream.

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Cliff Buchler.