Bring ‘n braai season is upon us

A braai is one thing, but a bring ’n braai is another story. I’ve always seen it as a con job by those who invite you. Okay, they provide the fire and, if you’re lucky, a salad or slap pap.

But the main ingredient – meat – you have to fork out and pay for. And this time of the year, with sunny days, Rugby World Cup and holiday season on the go, butchers hike the prices unmercifully.

They don’t care a fig about their loyal local clients who are penalised because of the influx of free-spending holiday makers.

But that’s the point about a bring ’n braai, my Heidi reminds me. Because the price of meat is so high it’s unfair on a host having to feed the 5,000.

Furthermore, she carries on, the whole idea is to enjoy a braai with friends (suggesting braaiing with hubby at home is unexciting) and so what if we have to bring our own meat – we have it in any case.

And if you’re worried that your pieces will be spoilt by another braaier, do them yourself.

It reminds me of an occasion when one oke pitched with his meat in a distinctive pink Tupperware dish to make all aware that the contents were his. And much to the chagrin of fellow guests, he impaled each piece with a toothpick flying a pink flag.

For spite, I picked flags off two of his chops and stuck them into mine as soon as he turned his back to swig another frosty.

The look on his face when he bit into my thawed chops, refrigerated since the previous season, was very satisfying. The butcher probably faced flag man’s displeasure for selling him, I quote, “old shoe leather”. Tee-hee.

Another time, despite giving us the option of doing our own braai, the host, seeing the socialising was going on too long, quietly snuck to the kitchen, placed all the meat on a hand-held grill, and proceeded to do the job himself.

Fellow braaiers found the host enveloped in smoke and fat-riddled flames.

Scorched underdone boerewors, lamb chops and thin strings of charcoal pork rashers arrived at the dining room table.

The stunned silence and dark looks from the ladies summed up the situation. The salad and pudding were mouthwatering. But in no way did they let off the erring braaier and, by association, his fellows.

Tee-hee.