Back to the island for fallen Zuma

When considering what the Jacob Zuma criminal coterie has done to this country, the blood boils.

The blood pressure spikes even more when law experts predict Judge Raymond Zondo’s recommendations will only
find traction in five years’ time. Will I still be kicking? And who of the plunderers will be around to serve jail time? Some are already ill – or playing sick.

The question that nobody’s asking is where the guilty are going to spend time. The prison sardine tins are already overflowing so, by 2026, there won’t be room for a single anchovy. A metaphor for the defunct Pecks Anchovette? Another reason for apoplexy.

But these self-serving miscreants must be taught a hard lesson for plundering the fiscus at the expense of the country at large. There is a place with built-in jail infrastructure and together with the sea separating it from
civilisation, makes it ideal. And escapees first have to befriend the sharks before taking the plunge.

Its history will add to the inmates’ agony and hopefully, embarrassment because, originally, it was inhabited by innocent people who suffered behind bars for years to free their country from a cruel regime. What ugly irony if Number One, the architect of state capture and his buddy with a penchant for Louis Vuitton handbags, be
locked up in the same cell as that of the saviour of their party, nay, country, who stood for honesty and fairness.

This time round, the cell would house those responsible for a country’s downfall, as opposed to those who spent the time drawing up a blueprint to uplift a land under apartheid. Yes, Robben Island. During Madiba’s incarceration it stood for hope and a think-tank for a group of sincere folk (including, oh, the irony again, Jacob) who dreamed of a better future for all.

Zuma would be dealt a psychological blow and spend many wretched hours of introspection and asking himself: “Where did I go wrong? Are handbags full of lolly worth doing a second term – and that in a once-sacred place?” On second thoughts, let’s keep the island revered and not besmirch it with thieves. So I say, jam them into the tins.

And bring back Pecks. See our mental and physical health improve overnight.