All I want for Christmas is a government that doesn’t think I’m stupid

For a government allegedly aiming for equality and some sort of better life for all, I’m more inclined to be impressed by how they distort the English language to disguise their misses.

Perhaps public education isn’t as bad as I’ve been complaining about. It’s more likely that when you get a nice stately position, you’re obligated to get a diploma from the Mac Maharaj Academy of Spin.

He, who graduated cum laude, one Mr Fix Mbalula, has now claimed receipt of a shoddy inheritance in the form of PRASA. It would seem that they don’t teach the law of succession at the Academy of Spin, because if they did, as any second year law student will tell you, one is allowed to denounce an inheritance.

If Mr Fix thought he was unable to, erm… Y’know, fix it, he didn’t need to put his name up for Ministry of Transport. Come to think of it, I’m not entirely certain what he fixed in the ministries of police, sports and recreation, or for that matter, the ANC electioneering mechanics.

The ambiguity is also ill-advised and if he had taken note of the Democratic Alliance Student Organisations’s 2013 UCT campaign, maybe he would have prioritized “Razzmatazz”. It’s never a wise idea to use “fix” in politics lest you get caught doing something you shouldn’t and the “let’s fix it” slogan becomes Twitter’s joke of the week.

But here, you have a minister with such gigantic balls that not two months ago he was telling the electorate how awesome his party is and why they should vote for it, only to concede that in 27 years, it could not fix a rail system.

That’s the point of political parties, right? They’re supposed to own accountability as a body so that the electorate can make decisions about their representatives easier. 

Nobody gives a damn who held what position when and how within the ANC. They care about the fact that they tasked the ANC with a job and well, y’see, the razzmatazz didn’t quite work out.

Let’s ignore that PRASA was doing pretty well in 1994 (back then it was South African Rail Commuter Corporation).

Fiks has one of two ways he can go with this. If he is indeed claiming that they inherited a broken PRASA from the Nats, well then that’s just ANC incompetence.

I refuse to wait an entire Mandela prison sentence before somebody decides to fix something broken.

If, however, he’s claiming a broken inheritance from his Zuma boytjies, let’s not forget that he was deep in that cabinet too.

What? Did he get thrown a hospital pass, catch and hold the ball above his head and wait 2 and half years to get tackled? Thank goodness he’s not in sports anymore.

Either way this dude wants to swing it, it’s not just an acknowledgement of the incompetence of our leadership, it is also an illustration of just how much they believe that their screwing the education system will result in us believing anything they feed us.

Thankfully, despite it being Dezemba, we’re not that drunk yet, nor are we that dumb. It would be marvellous if Fiks can put his giant balls away and maybe only present them when the time is appropriate.

Sure, I’m thrilled he got a thrashing on Twitter. But we know Twitter isn’t a real place.

Even uJuju had to admit to that. In this, the real world, there needs to be consequences for poor performance.

People think that the Constitution gives us a right to dignity. It doesn’t. It gives far more than that.

If you read section 10, it recognises that we all have inherent dignity and the right to have it respected and protected. I think we all have enough dignity to demand that we don’t have to accept nonsense excuses from our leadership.

I can’t believe I have to say this then.

Yo, Cde Razzmatazz, could you please give me protection from yourself?