All hail to the ale, I say

Well, after five days without water, I must admit that I have never felt better. Apparently, the water outage is caused by some maintenance being done on some pipeline somewhere in the province.

Be that as it may, it was the biggest blessing this decade.

You see, I’m not a big drinker of water. In fact, I try to avoid consuming it because I do believe that it will make me rust. The only way to ensure that it is safe to drink, is to add a splash of whisky. Of course, one has to consume liquids to survive and that is why mankind discovered beer.

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To be honest, I know nothing about beer, except that I love it. And I don’t use the word love lightly. I really, truly love beer. All beer. And I love trying out different kinds of beer. In my book, there’s no such thing as a bad beer.

Yes, there are some beers you only taste once, but then there are also women you kiss only once, but that’s a story for another day.

The water crisis not only forced me (thank goodness) to up my beer intake, but it also proved again what a versatile and magic liquid it is that can be utilised any time during the day or night.

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After brushing my teeth with a nice cold one on Saturday, I discovered that a beer-poached egg goes down very smoothly. As a side dish for the braai, I made a delicious beer bread. Mrs Google has an encyclopaedia full of recipes and I chose one that includes biltong and cheese.

I also discovered one really can cook rice without water, provided you are prepared to sacrifice a few litres of lager. Pilsener-battered fish and even a stout-and-steak potjie further proved that water isn’t always necessary when cooking.

In fact, without water, most dishes I tried turned out better than ever. What I refused to do, was to flush the toilet using my favourite beverage.

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I did suggest a beer bath, but the wife refused. She reminded me of the fellow who drowned in a barrel of beer. Apparently three men tried to save him, but he fought them off bravely until the end.