From Shaik’s sick note to Sisulu’s gloves – Luthuli House could make a killing in a yard sale

Your chance to get your hands on some collector’s items from the ANC Memorabilia Collection… at GiveAway Prices!

(All proceeds will go to the Luthuli House Toiletpaper Fund and Lights and Water Account)

Cognisant of the temporary cash flow challenges in our great organisation, our factions have put aside their differences to donate items to the cause of the ANC.

Some of the fantastic lots up for sale:

– Beer tankard from the Saxonwold Shebeen, autographed by Brian Molefe.

– Carl Niehaus’s copy of Sun Tzu’s Art of War, complete with hand-drawn sketches at the back of the defensive lines at Nkandla.

– Cyril Ramaphosa’s face mask – guaranteed to slip off anyone’s face!

– Acting secretary-general Comrade Jessie Duarte’s Book of Jokes – this very slim volume is the ideal stocking filler for Christmas.

– Minister Lindiwe Sisulu’s purple diamante-encrusted rubber gloves, as seen as part of her Personal Protective Equipment on multiple photo opportunities.

– Minister Bheki’s Cele’s Autumn Hat Collection includes the Al Capone Fedora, the Singing in the Rain Gene Kelly Pork Pie and the Straw Boater from Hyperama’s Heydays Man.

– Comrade Transport Minister Fikile Mbalula has generously donated a pair of his spectacles (the well-known 1950s Female Secretary ones), along with his hand-sewn Kunta Kinte African Solidarity dashiki.

– A leather-bound copy of Decisions of the Integrity Committee. This valuable volume of the finest parchment pages is unused.

– Schabir Shaik’s doctor’s note. Comrades, this is one of the seminal pieces of the ANC’s history – but be warned, this particular item will not come cheap, because the Comedy Channel has already started the bidding on it.

– Two matching genuine Louis Vuitton bags, donated by Comrades Nomvula Mokonyane and Dudu Myeni. Please note: they do not include the R300 000 in cash notes from Bosasa.

– One bag of cow feed from the Estina Dairy Project in the Free State, donated by Comrade Ace Magashule. Comrades, this is a very valuable piece of memorabilia, because it was the only one ever sent there.

– A fire bucket, donated by former police commissioner Riah Phiyega, who says it can be used in rural areas in conjunction with a fire pool.

– For those with a uniform fetish, there is a stunning triple lot. First is the famous “Fourth Industrial Revolution Jacket, as modelled by Comrade Minister Stella Ndabeni-Abrahams (must be worn with plunging neckline lingerie). Then, Comrade Malusi Gigaba tossed in the airline captain’s uniform he wore to the opening of parliament. Finally, in revolutionary solidarity, Comrade Lindiwe Zulu has donated the beret with Cuban flag pin she wore when we launched the National Coronavirus Command Council.

– Comrade Dr Zweli Mkhize has offered us a special manicure and makeup treatment at his son’s wife’s new salon, Digital Vibes.

– Last but not least, we have Comrade Jacob Zuma’s Certificate of Good Service, signed by Atul Gupta. It comes bundled with a gatepass from Waterkloof air base.