Breakdancing community mourns death of Ruben Jansen
Robyn Paul
I glanced upon my image
knowing that it would soon change
that sudden thrill of excitement
replaced by that of daze
I hadn’t predicted a detour
and wasn’t sure of how to feel
thrown off the course of ‘self’
things becoming all too real
This moment all worth sharing
but where would I begin?
surely there’s no way to explain a plan
that hadn’t been foreseen
So I took a step back
not sure what to make of it all
the ebb and flow of life
felt more like a free fall
Three months went by so fast
and yet my world still felt still
I was not ready to accept it
to afraid of the next thrill
But then I heard your heartbeat
felt kicks and tugs within
your presence all-consuming
pulling chords on each heartstring
The disappointment that I’d been braced for prepared for it in heaps and bounds
that was out of sight completely
that happens when love abounds
And then I finally met you
I must say I expected more
I thought when I first saw you
I’d have sensations and feelings galore
But I took you home and slowly
like the momentous seasons change
I started to really love you
in the most colossal ways
Of course, things didn’t go as expected
what was I doing wrong?
“Does complaining make me ungrateful?”
became my new favourite song
For starters, you cried for hours
and time felt all too slow
I was alone and sombre
with no place to go
Your sleep was next to nothing
and nothing I seemed to do
would ease your little body
so life’s colours faded to blue
But you continued growing
and all milestones were soon reached,
the shift on those small victories
was how all anxiety ceased
The journey is far from over
and there’ll be plenty more tears to cry
I’ll sometimes lose my patience
and later stop to ask myself why
You’re only little for a moment
compared to the scale of time called life
so my darling dear little
I’m sorry for the times I filled the days with strife
I genuinely am trying
and though dark moments may arise
I remember clouds birth rainstorms
and you dear are life’s greatest prize
I’ve watched you stare at me for hours
as if you saw into my soul
It’s then that I’m reminded
that there are highs to every low
So to my precious petals
the years go by so fast
and despite the detours on this journey
I would never change my past.
Robyn Paul
I’m Robynn Osborne, a 26-year-old mum to a four-year-old daughter and a little boy under one. I’m a wife to an incredible partner and a Masters graduate. I’m currently enjoying being a stay at home mum. I live in Durban and love all things science and baking. Nothing makes me happier than time with my family.
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