Want to spite your ex? Get a BMW M8 Convertible

To be honest, it wasn’t love at first sight when I was introduced to the BMW M8 Competition Convertible. Quite obviously it’s an attractive topless number, but there are quite a few of those going around just like you’ll find plenty of cocktail dress options in any respectable socialite’s cupboard.

But when I investigated the price list only to realise this is the most expensive BMW money can buy in South Africa today, I was all ears. If you can afford the R3 442 662 price tag, you’ll not only be the envy of any BMW enthusiast, but also probably the envy of most people with eyes. And that is when it hit me. Is this the ultimate grudge tool to spite your ex? I mean, if your former partner is an admirer of the badge, he’ll despise you, and if he’s not, he’ll hate you even more. Bingo!

As a little extra sting in the tail, those front brakes do make a nice additional statement. Called callipers I’m told, those chunky metal things attached to the round shiny disc visible through the wheel spokes, are painted gold! And my humble guess would be that one of those are more worth than all the golden jewelry your ex ever gave you put together.

The M8 is outlandishly stylish, from the very unique Motegi Red metallic paint on the outside to the Merino Midrand Beige leather interior. And there are dozens of buttons and creature comforts to make sure you’ll never get bored in traffic. Heated steering wheel, heated and ventilated seats and my new bestie that talks back to you when you say: “Hey BMW”. And then of course the main reason this car gets men’s attention is the fact that it is stupidly fast.

When you step on it, things go roar and pop and bang and everything becomes giant blur. I don’t think things get much faster than this in a car. But to be brutally honest, in all it’s glory, the M8 Competition Convertible is very unpractical. The fact that the roof can retract might be one if it’s main features, but driving around topless is not always as glamorous as it seems. On the highway my hair blows into my eyes and at the red light the cooldrink vendors are constantly sticking their heads into the cabin.

The seats in the rear are rather pointless too when even my six-year-old didn’t have enough legroom, while boot space is absolutely hopeless. And getting in and out of the car proved the most challenging as it’s simply too low. And you’ll need even more luck with that if you haven’t burned off all the chocolate yet you had during lockdown. But those are the sacrifices you’ll have to make when you’re out to spite a certain someone.

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