Take your squeegee and shove it, buster!

Don’t you just absolutely despise it when that arrogant window washer at the red traffic light harasses you? I mean really, not like city traffic isn’t nerve-wrecking enough for a girl. The moment you leave your driveway in the morning fear sets in. You constantly feel like a target for smash-and-grabs and hijackers, not to mentioned the ever so often arrogant male motorist behind you waving and swearing.

Stopping at a traffic light is the ultimate nightmare. It is so easy to get freaked out between the myriad of licence disc vendors, beggars, flyer distributers and erratic pedestrians. Sometimes you have to keep an eye on so many people that you don’t even have the time to fix your mascara smudge in peace.

Which brings me back to my ultimate pet hate. These annoying guys with the bottle of soapy water and a squeegee. I don’t even know why they ask if they can wash the perfectly clean windscreen, because they just go ahead and do it anyway. Even after you have politely told him not to like seven times.

And It’s like they get some kind of sick kick when the panic starts showing on your face. And there is no winning. Even when you turn on the wipers, I’ve seen them grab it and lift it. And there have been horror stories of the washers’ deliberately spraying glue on your windscreen which smudges when your switch the wipers, which is the perfect distraction for a smash and grab. Have I mentioned that I don’t like window washers?

Helping me overcome me hatred was my new bestie, the Land Rover Defender. It has this wonderful button with an up arrow on it. I’m told that the technical description for that is ‘’activating the air suspension”. Whatever. If you ask me, it raises the car and it feels fabulous, like you are lying on an air mattress while it’s being inflated.

But apart from the sensation of physically rising above the surrounding cars, the look on the window cleaner’s face is priceless. The Defender is rather high to start with, but when it stands on its toes like that, the window washer’s elbow couldn’t even clear the bonnet. He staggered back defeated, and I burst out laughing. That must be the ultimate satisfaction when you are wearing high heels and simply can’t get out to smack the bugger with your hand bag!

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