Land Rover Defender raises the bar for off-roading 

I am a coward when it comes to off-roading and I have an eerie feeling there must be some sort of artificial intelligence deep in the software of this new Land Rover (LR) Defender … because it’s now starting to mock me, vocally, for my “play it safe” attitude.

As we approach the first nasty rocks on what used to be a road over Breedtsnek – on the border of Gauteng and North West – I bring the new Defender to a halt.

I engage low range. I put the air suspension up to its fullest height of over 300mm. (The system also has an extra, “don’t make a fool of yourself” automatic setting which is activated when the sensors detect there is too little ground clearance beneath the vehicle…)

I then call on the heaviest weapon in the Defender’s off-road arsenal – the “rock crawl” programme.

It is like a PC, so no more fiddling or clunking with gear levers, diff lock buttons… As I clamber over the first boulders with barely a ruffle in the Landie’s carefully coiffed Camel Man composure, the mocking from the system begins.

The engine is revving too high and we are barely moving … because the rock crawl programme’s ultra-low ratios are, clearly, overkill in this situation.

“Please, mate,” the car seems to be saying, “don’t insult me.” So I rethink and engage the “mud and ruts” programme, which allows for faster progress and which is equally unfazed by the terrible state of what was once an important provincial road.

I am so comforted by the ability of the British off-road legend that I am soon relaxed enough to get back out of low range into high range.

It seems to do little to the extraordinary klipspringer-like ability over the broken terrain. It’s now that I begin to realise: it’s not all bullshit when the LR marketing blurbs proclaim this vehicle to be “the most capable Land Rover ever created”.

When a vehicle is this good, I’m prepared to excuse the PR hype … “ever” is a very long time, people.

There may be other vehicles which can get over Breedtsnek in standard form, and it probably rates a “bangbroek mild” for okes like me.

But there are few which can tackle this sort of trail with quite the aplomb this Defender can.

After my initial nervousness – this 110 D240S model is the thick end of R1.1 million (the second cheapest in the range) – I have become relaxed.

Breedtsnek is no more stressful than sitting in my favourite armchair, watching the Dakar Rally. And that really is the surprise.

Last year, I went up the pass in a Jeep Wrangler Sahara, a shortwheel base off-road icon, and was nervous the whole way.

There were two occasions the Jeep slid on its under bits and once it scrabbled for grip in low range because it has no rear diff lock.

At those scrapy bits, the Defender cruises across, mainly because its air suspension really puts decent space between you and the obstacles.

Its cross-axle clearance is demonstrated clearly right near the end of the rough stuff, when we encounter a huge slanting gully, which has become much worse since the Wrangler Sahara barely wriggled through. I cannot see, as the bonnet angles downwards sharply in two planes.

The onboard cameras include one which shows you what was underneath and ahead. But it’s quite unnerving and, after a while I ignore it.

Shaun, my “spotter”, thinks we’ll be OK.

You’re mad, I think.

Something’s bound to scrape, I can feel it in the seat of my pants, to say nothing of the lump on my chest.

But nothing scrapes and I ease out, comfort personified. It’s a great feeling and probably not one they mention in sale brochures.

The turbodiesel engine is perfect (with a beefy 177kW) for rock scrabbling but also has a decent turn of speed on tar.

On the Breedtsnek expedition (please don’t mock me again, Defender – it’s an expedition for me), it uses 9l/100km. That’s impressive in anyone’s book.

The new Defender has stirred a lot of controversy because the “experts” and the Landie “fan boys” feel it somehow doesn’t capture the spirit of its legendary predecessor.

But, who wants to capture a spirit which was all about slow, uncomfortable (and often unreliable) motoring?

Also, to compare the two is, obviously not apples with apples, it is apples with a cordon bleu chef’s apple crumble pie and fresh cream … a hint of the original but so much more tasty.

The Defender’s complex electronic systems are the reason it is so capable off-road and so luxurious, convenient and safe on-road.

It has raised the bar for user-friendly off-roading, and makes you feel good and look good while you’re doing it.

If I was an Old Defender, I would be immensely proud my offspring had turned out so well.

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