A Beast fit for a Springbok prop

After finishing matric, a friend of mine took up a job as barman at an upstanding establishment, ensuring his affluent guests stay hydrated during his temporary summer vacation gig.

One night his juvenile innocence led him to comment on a patron’s choice of drink which ignited an altercation that almost cost him his job. Cringing at the idea of having to mix a very rare whisky with orange juice, his response was that he’ll have to check whether such a concoction isn’t perhaps in violation of the law.  He learned a valuable life lesson that night. People can spend their money on whatever they wish, no matter how irrational it may seem.

That sentiment kind of sums up the logic behind the monstrosity from Volvo we recently spent a week in. Dubbed the Beast, this locally modified XC90 is one of the rarest vehicles you’ll find on our roads. Pretty much like our beloved former Springbok prop that goes by the same name, the car is big and imposing, accentuated by its additional height due to host of goodies parading on the roof.

With a full body satin black vinyl wrap clad over the Onyx Black metallic finish, sporting a heap of off-road accessories on the Front Runner roof rack and running on 18-inch glossy rims clad in BF Goodrich all-terrain rubberware, the car looks ready to tackle a stage in the Dakar Rally. Which explains the overwhelming response you get when stopping for milk and bread at your local Spar of course.

Under all the Beast’s rugged layers you’ll find a car that rolled off the assembly line in Daqing, China as a D5 Geartronic AWD Inscription. It is powered by a four-cylinder 2.0-litre turbo diesel engine that produces 173 kW of power and 480 Nm of torque which is sent to all four wheels via an eight-speed Geartronic gearbox.

In standard spec, this model retails for a tad over R1.2-million. The price balloons by about R125 000 if you add all the optional extras which includes the Premium Pack inclusive of niceties such as heated front seats, Head-Up display, 360˚ camera and a premium Bowers and Wilkins sound system, plus a few single options such as the panoramic sunroof.

Include all the aftermarket modifications and the Beast’s grand total is just shy of R1.5-million. Now that figure is the real bone of contention which leads you to question the reason for the Beast’s very existence. A bar and a half is Toyota Land Cruiser 200 VX-R and Nissan Patrol territory. Those cars have established reputations built over decades for not only being able to cross any mountain but also tow that same mountain. And quite frankly that is a pedigree not associated with Volvo.

The Swedish manufacturer’s forte has always been its world class safety. And having come a long way from those days of the “woodies’’ station wagons we remember from the movies, the carmaker has added beautiful craftmanship and extreme elegance to its repertoire over time. In its usual guise, the XC90 combines the brand’s renowned safety features and refinement to offer a very attractive package which proudly sits atop Volvo’s food chain.

All these virtues are as nice as ever inside the Beast, but on the outside the elegant gown the XC90 is associated with make way for an overall and gum boots. And make no mistake, these gum boots are wonderfully equipped to tackle the dirt like we experienced for ourselves. The optional air suspension fitted to the Beast makes the ride over uneven surfaces very plush, but the vinyl wrap also gives you added confidence not to worry about a scratch or two from a branch or a rock once you do wander into the bush. Not to mention the roof-mounted necessities that could come in very handy off the beaten track.

The XC90 is perfectly capable off the tarmac, being an all-wheel-drive after all with the added option of selecting Off-Road as a drive mode setting for optimal power distribution over uneven surfaces. However, it still lacks an all-out low range mode and diff lock, two important components in any proper bush mobile. And it is this very reason that proper bush-whackers will never even bother to consider replacing their Land Cruiser, Patrol, Jeep Wrangler or Land Rover Defender with a modified Volvo. Especially not at that price.

But the intention behind the Beast is not to try and challenge established dirt trackers. Think of it as something of a concept car you’ll see in the pictures from a motor show, pushing the boundaries and challenging beliefs. And take my word for it, never mind how many jerry cans you fit to their roofs, you will never get as many looks in just another Land Cruiser or Patrol as you do get parading around in the Beast.

You can question its true capabilities over the gravel, you can argue it won’t hold its value as well as a Land Cruiser down the line and will most certainly be able to prove that it will be more expensive to maintain after the maintenance plan expires. But you can’t deny the Beast its mojo. In all fairness to Toyota, if everyone owned a trusty old Corolla the world will be a very boring place to live in.

The Beast turns heads because of its uniqueness and not whether it is logical or not. Very similar to mixing fine old scotch with orange juice.

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