Tips on sex shop etiquette

There’s nothing wrong with sex shops. After all, you visit a grocery store when you are hungry… right?

From Adult World to Luv Land and the Boudoir Boutique, there are plenty places to visit.

And this is not an entirely bad thing for a country that’s generally considered a tad prudish (NO, not you, Malusi Gigaba) when it comes to shrugging off our sexual inhibitions and bringing a bit of spice into the bedroom. And heaven knows, with the alarming national divorce rates, we could all use a little titillation now and then.

The 2017 divorce statistics reported by Stats SA, which is based on 25,390 finalised divorce forms and processed by the end of 2018, indicates an increase of 64 (0.3%) divorces from the 25,326 cases processed in 2016.

According to Family Law, in 2017 about 155 divorces were granted for same-sex couples, of which 115 were female couples, and 40 were male couples.

Meanwhile, black African couples experienced the highest number of divorces (11,309) followed by white couples at 6,048, coloured couples at 4,517 and Indian/Asian couples at 1,401.

Perhaps there’d be fewer divorces if more couples visited the variety of adult stores that are now available online or off-road.

However, not everyone is as curious and most folks would sooner be caught dead than venture into a sex store or, worse yet, and I speak from experience, get spotted by someone they know while perusing the tightly stacked rows of XXX-rated magazines and movies.

To be honest, visiting a sex store can be quite liberating – especially if it’s one on a busy main road and it’s during peak lunch hour traffic.

From the tubes of single-serve lubrications, dildos of every size, shape, texture and skin tone, cock rings, anal and vaginal beads, to the judgmental gaze of the stoned hipster storefront help, and the bold signage that says “no fondling your private parts in the aisles”, there’s something for everyone (YES, this also includes you, Malusi Gigaba) in sex shops.

Truth be told, if someone you know spots you in a sex store, they’ll also be worried about what you think. Or they don’t actually care.

So, if you haven’t yet managed to visit a sex shop and you want to, here are a few tips on etiquette:

DO:

Feel confident walking into a sex shop, even the ones on busy main roads.

Prepare to see someone you know (it probably won’t happen, but just in case).

Remember that sex is a basic human need and that everyone is doing it. EVERYONE!

Take a friend along if you’re shy or go alone if you want privacy.

Visit with your partner if you want to spice things up at home.

Ask questions. That’s why the stoned hipster shop assistant is there.

Ask to see products out of their packaging.

Do have fun, broaden your mind and leave satisfied.

DON’T:

Forget to carry proof of age.

Giggle like a schoolgirl.

Pass judgment on other shoppers or comment on or point at other people’s purchases.

Dress inappropriately just because it’s a sex shop.

Hit on the staff, unless they hit on you first.

Break the sample items or make lewd actions with them.

Rub your crotch or breasts while browsing, unless it’s an itch.

Forget to enjoy yourself and buy at least one item.

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