Your Citizen Resurrection Starter Kit

Now you can safely cancel your life insurance, go to bed angry at your partner; and don’t feel obliged to tell your kids you love them before leaving the house each morning. Even if you die, you’ll be ok. Resurrections are now possible and, if you don’t know how to plan for it, we’ve got you covered with The Citizen Resurrection Starter Kit.

Follow these simple tips and you’re well on your way to long life, again, and again, and again…
We all know we should have at least one good suit or dress in our wardrobes for a fancy affair. But now you should also have a suitable resurrection outfit.

For men, we recommend this Buzz Lightyear costume from e-bay. After all, you’ve been to infinity and beyond:

For women, you can’t go wrong with this 1965 Yves Saint Laurent crochet number. You can tell everyone at your funeral it’s all the rage in the hereafter. And they’ll believe you:

Picture: PIERRE VERDY / AFP/Getty Images

Remember, during your resurrection, there’s a facial expression you want to go for, just to add extra dramatic effect. If you haven’t already seen the Alph Lakau video, then aim for something similar to these:

Try not to eat immediately after being resurrected. Given that some of your internal organs have been removed during autopsy and that you’ve been pumped full of embalming fluid, your body may reject the meal:

There are probably massive group resurrection discounts being offered but never, ever, go for the group booking. You could easily be mistaken for one of The Walking Dead and likely be shot, have your head bashed in or get decapitated:

Andrew Lincoln as Rick Grimes; Walkers – The Walking Dead _ Season 6, Episode 16 – Photo Credit: Gene Page/AMC

Because you don’t want people talking about how poorly planned your resurrection was, don’t forget to always rehearse, no matter where you are:

And if, at your after-and-again-tears, or at your reawakening wake (if you’re of European descent), you should die of alcohol poisoning, make sure there’s a buddy present who’s skilled in a tavern or pub-setting resurrection:

Finally, if like most of us you need to be resurrected every morning for work, toss your alarm clock in the trash and get this bed instead:

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