Orgasm burnout? Nicole Kidman’s ‘Babygirl’ blurs the line between passion and performance

Not since Roman Polanski’s Bitter Moon and Michael Douglas and Sharon Stone’s erotic Basic Instinct has there been a more thought-provoking and blunt film than Nicole Kidman’s Babygirl. It is erotic, asks questions, and flies in the face of traumatic conservatism like few other films in this genre.

Kidman stars as a high-powered business executive who couples up and has an affair with a much younger man. It’s not a cougar flick but a well-constructed thriller with convention-busting sensuality.

However, all the sex and the intense pressure came at a cost. Recently, Kidman opened up about experiencing ‘orgasm burnout’ during filming, sparking a conversation that goes far beyond La-La Land.

While most of us do not have to deal with the complexities of performing intense sex scenes under the glare of studio lights and crew, performance pressure is all the same in any situation. Kidman admitted to getting orgasm fatigue or burnout because of it. Because, in many ways, sex can become just a performance.

Sex can become just a performance

Medical doctor and psychologist Dr Jonathan Redelinghuys said that orgasm burnout amounts to a state of emotional, psychological, and physical exhaustion related to sexual activity. “It often stems from repetitive sexual performance under pressure, leading to a lowered sense of pleasure, emotional detachment, and even an aversion to intimacy.”

He said that it isn’t about the quantity of orgasms but the quality of the sexual experiences and the emotional context surrounding them. “When sex becomes more about achieving a goal than enjoying the connection, the risk of burnout increases,” he said.

The big O-overload: Orgasm burnout is more than too much sex

Online contraception and pleasure retailer Condoms.uk shared research that indicated that orgasm burnout is often misunderstood. The company’s research suggested that orgasm burnout isn’t solely about having too many orgasms. It can also be triggered by stress, anxiety, and relationship dynamics.

According to the research, less than a third of women orgasm every time they have intercourse. One in seven women under 35 have never experienced an orgasm during sex. Moreover, sexual dysfunction affects between 30% and 40% of people at some point in their lives. These statistics paint a wobbly picture of the pressures surrounding sexual performance. These pressures can ultimately accumulate and manifest as burnout.

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‘I don’t want to orgasm any more’

In an interview with The Sun newspaper in the United Kingdom, Kidman shared: “There were times when shooting Babygirl I was like, I don’t want to orgasm anymore. Don’t come near me.”

Emotional exhaustion can accompany sexual activity. When it becomes performative rather than pleasurable, this can result in a tangible behavioural challenge.

Sex educator Lisa Welsh said that the social obsession with climaxing is part of the problem. “We live in a culture that equates sexual success with orgasm frequency and intensity. But intimacy isn’t a performance. When people feel like they must reach a specific outcome every time, it turns sex into a task rather than an experience,” she said.

Welsh added that the pressure isn’t gender specific. “While women often face expectations around responsiveness and desirability, men grapple with performance anxiety and the belief that they must always be ready and able. Both ends of the spectrum can lead to burnout,” she said.

Welsh outlined common signs of orgasm burnout that included decreased desire for intimacy, physical tiredness, emotional detachment, increased anxiety related to sex, and frustration with achieving orgasm.

Redelinghuys noted that these symptoms are often overlooked or misattributed. “People might think they’re just going through a phase. They may blame it on external stressors without recognising the role that sexual expectations play. The mind and body are interconnected; when one is under strain, the other feels it too,” he said.

Watch the trailer for ‘Babygirl’ here:

Dissatisfaction is not a personal failure

Welsh suggested that the first step is acknowledging the issue without shame. “There’s often a stigma around sexual dissatisfaction as if it’s a personal failure. Recognising that burnout is a common experience can help people approach it with curiosity rather than guilt,” she said.

Redelinghuys recommended a combination of self-reflection, communication, and, if needed, professional support. “Taking a break from sexual activity can be beneficial. Allow time to reconnect with one’s body and desires without external pressures. It’s also crucial to talk openly with partners about feelings and needs. In some cases, therapy can provide a safe space to explore underlying issues,” he said.

Welsh added practical tips for preventing orgasm burnout. She suggested moving the focus from orgasm to an approach of overall pleasure. “Explore different forms of intimacy that aren’t goal-oriented with a specific endpoint,” she said. “This could be sensual touch, deep conversations, or even shared activities that encourage connection between people. Redefining what intimacy means can be liberating,” she said.

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