How to raise a successful child in a competitive world

As parents raising children, we all want the best for them when it comes to life, especially in education.

We can easily get carried away, though, considering today’s toxic achievement culture, so the question is: How can we raise successful children in such a competitive world?

Here are some constructive ways in which you can support your child in a world that is ever evolving and often quite intimidating when it comes to achievements and success:

Be fair and don’t compare

According to Jackie Cook, COO of Teneo and mother of two teens, parents need to remember that every child is a unique individual whose cognitive, psychological, emotional and physical development is determined by their unique makeup and circumstances.

When we think about it, different babies start walking and talking at different ages, so why would we force them to conform?

When raising children, it’s important not to compare children to one another, but to rather have a balanced approach to measuring each child’s individual progress and milestones.

Also, keep in mind that boys and girls develop at differing rates.

Love, honour and respect each child for who they are and what their unique abilities are. Teach them a healthy work ethic. Encourage them to take responsibility for giving their personal best in whatever they choose to do.

READ: Daily connection routine: The key to your child’s academic success

Nurture your child’s success holistically

When a child is an outlier, it makes things difficult for a school system which is normally geared towards creating norms and standards to make teaching more manageable.

Should we allow a child who is ahead of his peers academically to skip a grade? It might be that the child is ahead in maths, but for a decision of this calibre, it is important to have the child assessed by trained professionals in terms of where he is rating on emotional, social, physical and speech development, as well as other developmental factors.

You might come to find that you will do the child no favours by moving him ahead, because of where he is at in other developmental areas.

Nurture children holistically. Don’t fixate on where he can achieve 100% and push him too hard in that direction.

In fact, in one instance 60% might be a major achievement for the child consider how hard he worked to achieve it. This might actually be more praiseworthy than a 90% mark which came without much effort.

Be aware of your child’s development and measure his unique progress. Cook says: “Remember, if you can measure it, you can manage it.”

Online schooling can be empowering for both children and parents

While online schooling may seem impersonal to many, it can often be quite the opposite. Online schools are increasingly becoming popular for their intimate classes and tailored support based on each child’s individual learning styles and aptitudes.

With online schools, whether they are asynchronous (where children learn at their own pace with digital resources) or synchronous (with real teachers who teach real-time, but with each lesson still recorded) an online bank of content is available for each student.

Some children can therefore work ahead, while there are also rewatchable lessons for those who need a little more revision.

Even sensory overload can be managed with online classes, as children can switch cameras and microphones on and off according to their individual needs. Children can also fidget while being taught, without bothering others if it helps them concentrate.

The key is that parents need to remain involved and interested and regularly check in on their child’s progress. Having access to your child’s work, learning resources and grades in real-time is quite empowering for parents, according to Cook.

Straight As are not what it’s about

Insisting on straight As from your child can result in anxiety, depression, burnout and even trauma in your child.

Pushing your child can become toxic if you expect them to do more than what they are capable of.

In raising children, they need to be taught independence and self-efficiency and therefore, doing everything for your child to make better grades, could be very detrimental.

Encourage your child to measure up against himself. No one else. Incentivise your child to encourage them to keep improving – it’s a positive system to implement and shows that you are involved and interested and that you are preparing your child for the world of work where they need to earn promotions.

“Dangling carrots instead of using sticks,” says Cook.

Incremental improvements and a good work ethic over time should be encouraged and celebrated.

Protect your child’s self-esteem

“If we force our children to do maths and physics when all they want to do is art and drama, we will damage their self-esteem,” says Cook.

She says that if we never allow them to fail, make a mess and grow, we will destroy their self-esteem, as all learning comes from mistakes.

The important thing is that they explore, play and learn to fail forward, which means getting up and trying again.

If you push your child to make the A-team because it’s your unfulfilled dream and they have no interest in it, you will destroy your relationship with your child.

Yes, we want to see our children succeed and be successful, but they have their own lives and interests.

You can help your child success at anything in life by teaching them time management, grit, independence and a good work ethic.

Also, teach your child that therapy can be valuable when they need extra support. Children thrive when they are supported.