How to answer your child when they ask if you’re okay

Being a parent often comes with many challenges and one of the more complex aspects is deciding as a parent how honest you should be with your kids as you go through various life experiences. Tell them too much and they may get scared, sugarcoat the truth and you may still cause anxiety as they can tell that you’re misleading them anyway.

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Dr. Anita Gadhia-Smith, a psychiatrist says, “There is no one-size-fits-all manual for raising kids. First-time parents will go through a trial and error process, and each child within a family may be very different. In general, children do have very different levels of comprehension, depending on individual personality development and age.”

“Children under five cannot comprehend the complexity of life and relational issues that an older child can. The older the child, the greater the need for fully honest disclosure and guidance that will help the child integrate and set their own value system,” adds Dr Gadhia-Smith.

Here’s some guidelines to help you answer when your children ask whether you’re okay:

Physically

We’re currently in the middle of the coronavirus pandemic where everyone is at risk for contracting this new virus. As parents, if we get sick and need to self-quarantine etc we could find ourselves in a position where we have to tell our kids that we are ill. But how much truth is too much truth for kids when it comes to our physical wellbeing?

Pediatrician Dr. Steve Silvestro advises that parents rather opt for honesty. “Children, at almost every age, pick up on more than we often give them credit for— they notice hushed voices and tearful eyes, they overhear conversations. So even though it may be difficult, it’s important to share the news of the illness with your children and to do so sooner rather than later,” explains Dr Silvestro.

Emotionally

The case for telling the truth to kids gets a little murkier when it comes to emotional wellbeing. If you’re a parent who going through a divorce, for example, it may be challenging to tell your child that you’re not ok because you’re going through a separation with their other parent.

Dr Ghadia-Smith says, “Parents need to be mindful not to use their children as their best friend or therapist. It may be tempting, as they are readily available, but the impact on the child could be detrimental.

“In general, it is not advisable to lie. However, it is not always advisable to tell all either. Parents need to use their own inner guidance about what feels right to them. Some children are more mature than others, but you also don’t want to parentify a child and use them as your support system,” she adds.

Also Read: ‘Covid-19 is taking its toll on SA’s mental health’

What if your child asks if they’re going to be okay?

This may be a question that as parents we may be finding that we need to answer more regularly as we continue to consume the latest news about the ongoing coronavirus pandemic. According to Dr Gadhia Smith, ” In general, parents shouldn’t shield their kids from the news, but they shouldn’t go too far in the other direction either. Overprotecting children is usually not in the best interest of the child. In general, parents shouldn’t shield their kids from the news, but they shouldn’t go too far in the other direction either. Overprotecting children is usually not in the best interest of the child.”