Here are hurtful phrases you should never say when arguing with your partner

When we argue, we can sometimes say hurtful phrases or behave with contempt towards our partner.

According to an American psychologist, the phrase “I wish we’d never met” is one of those that’s most likely to destroy a relationship.

Arguments are commonplace in relationships, and can sometimes damage communication.

In the heat of anger, it’s tempting to hurt the other person with words that go beyond our thoughts.

Dr Cortney Warren, an American psychologist specialising in romantic relationships, has spent 20 years studying relationship dynamics.

She says that feelings of contempt are the ones that can be most destructive in a relationship, especially when they start to creep in to communications with your partner.

NOW READ: Depression: research shines light on what could be lesser-known warning sign

Hurtful phrases you should never say when arguing with your partner

In an article that Dr Warren wrote for CNBC, the expert explains: “One phrase that reflects contempt, and that I’ve seen destroy relationships the most, is: ‘I wish we’d never met.’

Other statements such as “you’ve ruined my life,” “you’re a nuisance,” “you’re pathetic,” “you’re not worth my time” or “if we didn’t have kids, I’d have left you by now,” can also have devastating consequences on the couple’s dynamic.

Contempt can also manifest itself in non-verbal behaviors, such as rolling one’s eyes or adopting dismissive body language, creating a power imbalance.

So, how do you communicate in an argument without hurting the other person’s feelings? There are several solutions.

First, take the time to think before you speak, and weigh your words carefully. It’s essential to acknowledge mistakes and apologise when necessary.

“Take responsibility. This includes acknowledging your choices, your patterns, and your engagement in dysfunction,” explains the specialist.

Above all, remember that you and your partner are a team. Communication must be constructive on both sides to maintain harmony.

Before criticising or reproaching, remember the reasons why you are with your partner, and try to communicate your feelings or remarks in a kinder way.

The psychologist concludes by stressing the importance of learning from every conflict in the relationship.

“The biggest piece of advice I give to people is to try to find gratitude. There is always something to be learnt from discord in our relationships. Look for something positive that you can take away from every interaction, even if the process is unsettling.”

NOW READ: Everything you need to know about summertime warts, and how to get rid of them