Seven secrets to better female orgasms – expert

Women must explore more, and men should become a bit less clueless about the female orgasm.

So said sex educator and founder of Save That Spark Lisa Welsh.

She said that conversations about female pleasure must be honest, grounded, and free of performance-driven codswallop.

Welsh noted that pleasure shouldn’t be treated like an exam with a pass or fail mark.

“It’s a shared experience. And the more we understand about each other, the more fulfilling it becomes.”

Instead, she said, there are seven rules of thumb that can turn any bedroom encounter into a passionate, loving and satisfying conclusion for both partners.

It’s all in the mind

“The first secret to an orgasm is to engage her mind,” Welsh said. “Women often carry an overwhelming mental load that can shut down desire before anything begins.”

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From the mental checklist of unanswered emails to wondering if the laundry has been folded, the mind can be more of a pleasure-blocker than most realise.

“You can’t just light a candle and hope for the best. If you want your partner to feel like a goddess, start with a text message during the day or an offer to cook dinner,” she said. “Foreplay starts way before anyone gets undressed.”

Create a mental checklist

Make it safe

“The brain can’t enter a state of deep pleasure if it’s scanning for threats,” she said. And by threats, she wasn’t talking about a tiger loose in the suburbs, but rather emotional and environmental discomforts.

Feeling unsure about being overheard, worrying about body image, or even the presence of an awkward family photo in the bedroom can be enough to stall intimacy and impact orgasm.

“The biggest secret to safety is consent,” she said. “If a woman knows she can say no at any point without a backlash, she’s more likely to say yes when it matters.”

Tell her she’s beautiful and mean it

Welsh said that body image is one of the biggest blocks to orgasm.

“So many women are caught up in how they look during intimacy. It’s not just a vanity issue. It’s deeply rooted insecurity.”

A kind word can change that.

“Tell her she looks amazing in that moment. Show her that you find her body, as it is, desirable.”

She advised against comparing real life to what people see in films or on social media.

“Real bodies come in all shapes and sizes. They move; they jiggle. And they’re beautiful.”

Race to the finish line

Slow it down

Racing to the orgasm finish line, according to Welsh, often leads to everyone coming in last.

“Most men are ready in under five minutes. Most women need closer to 20 or 30,” she said.

The key, she explained, is to let go of urgency and learn to enjoy the process.

“Start with a massage. Caress her shoulders. Run your fingers down her back. Don’t treat it like a checklist. Discover what her body responds to.”

Lubricate
Welsh said lubrication is often skipped due to a lack of information about its use or unnecessary self-conscious thoughts.

“There’s this myth that if a woman needs lubrication, something is wrong. That’s nonsense.”

She said that arousal and moisture do not always correlate.

“Using lubrication improves comfort, heightens sensitivity and reduces anxiety. It can turn a potentially awkward moment into something wonderful.”

Educate yourself

Learn About The Female Body

“There is no universal roadmap to the female body,” Welsh said.

“What worked for one partner won’t necessarily work for the next.”

She suggested slow exploration and open communication.

“Try light touch in different areas. Ask what feels good. Treat it as a discovery rather than a task. The clitoris alone has thousands of nerve endings, but not all of them like to be touched in the same way.”

Observation is important

Sometimes words are hard to say, especially in vulnerable moments.

“A woman might say something is fine because she doesn’t want to disappoint her partner,” Welsh said.

Instead of assuming, she said, observe.

“If she moves closer, she’s enjoying it. If her body recoils, slow down or stop. It’s about respect and attentiveness. The goal is to make her feel seen, heard and cherished, but not rushed through a routine. That is the roadmap to orgasm.”

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