Woman in underwear biting a whip
The Citizen’s lifestyle team recently sat down with Miss Hyde, a Johannesburg-based Disciplinarian who primarily practices impact play.
She says got her start as a Disciplinarian accidentally after someone asked her to be their Dominant (also referred to as a Dom).
Miss Hyde explained that there aren’t many formal structures – like schools – for people to turn to should they wish to learn how to become a Dom, however, those looking to explore being a Dominant can find a mentor who will guide them through the process.
“You work on word of mouth. If you are interested then you can contact someone that’s in the lifestyle and they can refer you to someone who can help you reach your end goal.”
Please note: While The Citizen’s Lifestyle team believes sex education is important for teens, the following conversation is of an adult nature.
The short acronym is actually an umbrella term for acts that fall under bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism.
General acts include things like spanking, blindfolding, bondage and foot worship but Miss Hyde says there is a wider range of activities that fall under this umbrella.
“BDSM hinges on four pillars, there’s a fifth part of it that falls under the one pillar but it is communication, respect, honesty and trust. Now the fifth pillar that bears so much importance in the lifestyle is consent but it is such a big and important part that it deserves to be mentioned on its own.”
Speaking about common misconceptions around the world of BDSM, Miss Hyde said that she has noted that most people assume by default that everything to do with BDSM is always sexual. Additionally, people assume that there is always pain involved.
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“For me, personally, there’s nothing sexual involved. Nothing remotely close to sexual happens in my sessions.
“And that is what people need to understand, BDSM is about your personal preferences. If you want to have sexual acts included in your session, you can do that but it has to happen after negotiations and most importantly, consent from both parties [about] what the dynamic is going to entail.
“Everyone has their limits and things that they’re comfortable with, what we might think of as weird, someone else might think, ‘that’s just run of the mill.’”
When Miss Hyde is getting ready for a session with a sub, she says she starts her day with a long, relaxing bath to help her get into the right frame of mind.
“That’s one thing that’s very important. Sessions should not take place when you’re angry or you’re feeling a little bit off that day because you can have somebody’s life in your hands.”
She then plays her theme song, Halestorm’s Mz Hyde, which she loves because she feels as though the lyrics best illustrate the switch she goes through in order to best do her job.
On the note of safety – for both herself and her sub – Miss Hyde begins by highlighting that Dominants go through a lot of training to ensure that the acts they partake in are done safely.
“There’s a saying in BDSM that says ‘I will hurt you but not harm you…’” she added.
For example, Dominants in impact play are trained to not spank people anywhere near their kidneys as impact in this area can negatively affect someone’s health.
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Miss Hyde specifically has a rule for her subs that prohibits them from touching her. She also does not touch her subs unless she is checking in with them after what she calls an intense “scene”.
When asked about possibly feeling bad about disciplining a sub, Miss Hyde says; “What I’m doing is with consent, I’m not taking some random person off the street and saying ‘you know what, now you’re gonna have your bum in the air and I’m going to give you six of the best.’ So, for me not to feel bad about what I do, it all hinges on the concept of consent.”
Apart from researching BDSM as a topic, Miss Hyde says that those who are interested in the lifestyle can look up lifestyle clubs in South Africa. Most of them have official websites complete with information and contact details.
“There is vetting that takes place. In order to go to these clubs, you will have to divulge your personal information. So if you’re not comfortable with that, then rather not go to those clubs because obviously, they have to make sure people are who they say they are and protect their members.”
The clubs also have events on a weekly or monthly basis for their members.
Some clubs only charge an entrance fee for parties to cover meals, beverages and operating costs and other activities do not come with a fee.
For those who aren’t ready to turn to clubs, Miss Hyde advises reading and researching to get a better handle on what BDSM is and how to do simple acts safely at home.
“With the lifestyle, the main thing is ‘baby steps’ so start small. With a blindfold for instance. Don’t immediately decide you’re going to start with bondage at home, you might have to call the fire department to come to rescue you.”
Bondage is actually quite a popular trend that Miss Hyde has noticed among people looking to get into BDSM.
“I do believe South Africans are becoming less prudish,” she added, before noting the evolution of sex toys in South Africa and how stores now offer a wider variety than they did years ago.
For more information on Miss Hyde’s upcoming event, planned for July 2023, check out her Facebook page; The Kinky Carnival.
Guests can expect to have opportunities to ask professionals like therapists, relationship coaches and psychologists their questions. They can also expect to be shown ways to do certain acts safely.
Connect with Miss Hyde on Facebook.
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