First time moms know best… Or do they?

Yes, I see you pregnant mom. With your ever-swelling breasts and expanding watermelon waistline.

I see you in the sweet aisle giving me that look of ‘oh my child will not eat sweets’

I see you at playgrounds when my child will not share and is crying. Yes because your child will always share.

I see your expression when people talk about breastfeeding past 6months, or co-sleeping, only making home-cooked baby food, disposable nappies. I see you roll your eyes when other moms talk about having no time for sex, and discussing how long its been since they shaved their legs.

Yes, I see you.

I see you in clothing shops checking out a woman with 3 kids. Her hair hasn’t been washed or brushed and her one kid is still wearing PJs from last night. Yes, I saw your expression. That will NEVER be me you think.

I see you sitting peacefully in restaurants with your husband. Chatting away while someone else’s kid whizzes past you. ‘Fucking hell!’, you think. My kid will never bother anyone.

Yes, I saw your face.

And I laughed and laughed till the Barbie milkshake I was drinking came out my nose. And I think I peed a little.

Because I wish I could be there when you finally realize you will be everything you always hated in other mothers.

You will breastfeed past 6months and it won’t be ‘weird’. You will co-sleep because fucksakes how else will you sleep? Your kid will be annoying to other people. To me for example. It will annoy me for sure. You will switch on the TV and give your 2yr old some marshmallows and flings to shut up and leave you alone just to have one minute of peace to pee and eat. You will forget to brush your hair, you will live in PJs for 3 months, you will *gasp!* go weeks without painting your nails.

And guess what!!!!

It’s not called failure. It’s called motherhood.

Please don’t hold any grudges against your pregnant form once you give birth. It’s not your fault you were so naive.

A baby isn’t a dog you can train. It is a human being that has it’s own needs and wants. And as a mom, no matter what it takes, you do it. It’s love. It’s all that tiny human wants.

I say this with conviction because I too was once that know it all. But now I really know it all. Motherhood takes more than a textbook and rules and routines. It takes guts and blood, and sweat and tears. And the ability to admit that you’re not the perfect mom. But that you’re the perfect mom that YOUR child needs.

Chat to you in 6months time pregnant mom. Till then keep your know it all looks to yourself while I’m in the supermarket trying to pay and giving my kid a KitKat at 10 am so that she can be quiet because I got jack sleep last night.

Taryn Dekel is a wife, mother, sister and friend. Born and bred in Cape Town with a flair for the dramatic. She loves chocolate, potatoes in all forms and hate the outdoors. (Don’t ask me to go camping… Ever.)

You can find Taryn over on No PennieFor My Thoughts.