Designers outshine each other: What to wear for Durban July

The final stretch of the race track at the Durban July has over the years earned a reputation as fashion’s hottest ticket. It’s the parade where designers outshine one another with outlandish designs on the grassy catwalk.

Fashion at the Durban July may have been themed differently and the colour scheme may change annually, but it seems imagination is always limited to matric-dance ballgowns gone horribly wrong.

And models peacock these outfits as if it’s the first time anyone has seen their dress, another ensemble that tries too hard, only to get an even harder landing in fashion’s annals of banal creativity.

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Exploring the out of this world theme at the Durban July Parade

This year’s theme, Out Of This World, could be so beautifully abstract but it’s probably going to serve up literal interpretations in a well-manicured procession of monotony.

Cosmic cowboys in spandex, light up cowboy hats with UFOs and Martian Marys in metallic, pretend-futuristic dresses or body-painted aliens phoning home after disastrous selfies.

It’s all there, as models are hot to trot, celebrities seek out cameras to strike a pose for and men struggle to fashion silver and gold waistcoats, shades and Elvis’ blazers into an ensemble.

Everyone’s likely to dress to light up the Milky Way, instead of sparking a measure of lateral thinking, and Dolce and Gabbana-ing or Tom Ford-ing something truly bizarre and conceptual.

Instead, expect to see fashionistas raiding the tinfoil aisle at supermarkets to transform rolls of cooking aluminium into ethereal extra-terrestrial gowns.

Predictable trends and environmental inspirations at the Durban July parade

Couture may become an anagram for Crafted Outta Utterly Terrifying, Unearthly Rubbish… Eish! So, if your roll of tin foil goes missing, don’t blame the kids or the elves, blame a designer who’s looking to conquer fashion’s final frontier and create a look that’s, well, out of this world in its sameness.

Of course, alien clobber and interstellar garb may not be fashion’s only hot tickets in orbit on the day. Chances are there will be the usual order of environmentally inspired fashion, too, drawing a long bow to get the outfit to match the theme, or to rebelliously be its antithesis.

Disposable, recyclable dresses, pants, jackets and tops may just sneak out of the papier-mâché bucket and onto the catwalk. It will make a statement, no doubt. The same statement made the year before, and the year before that, and the year before that.

Durban July fashion can mostly be summed up in a four-letter word. One thing’s for sure, though, nobody’s going to dress like Taylor Swift, even though she is out-of-this-world successful.

Instead, expect to see loads of Ziggy Stardust wannabes, and for designers who have really run out of ideas, Tinker Bell fairies and angels. Then, there will be the selfies and the pouting and the group pics and the tagging and the bragging.

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The quest for glamour and fantasy at Durban July

But the ooh-la-la will be over within days, the embarrassment of a picture that lives forever online, never. It’s reminiscent of another meh fashion event earlier this year: the opening of Parliament.

It was a damp squib with supermarket trends and men in grey suits, paired white and blue shirts with yawning ties.

Truth is, we all want a bit of glamour, a bit of fantasy and eye candy to admire and to aspire to. And Parliament was right in that respect. We don’t want it from our political glitterati, dolling up with spoils from the trough.

We want it from designers and beautiful people who offer us some escapism, some gossip about a daring or wanton outfit.

Cosmic, out of this world fashion can be taken a leap further, a beyond the beyond, to Telescope-chic, astrophysical-inspired hairdos and trying to capture the essence of spatial dark matter in an outfit – though the hearts of political types have already mastered this.

Hopefully a flutter on the right pony can change someone’s fortunes financially. But it never seems to be the fashion that strikes it lucky on the big day.

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