Jacqui Bester
2 minute read
20 Sep 2019
4:00 am

Today I wished I wasn’t a parent

Jacqui Bester

Today, for just a moment, as I watched the chaos unfold around me, for one single minute … I wished I wasn’t a parent.

My pre-parent days flashed before my eyes, and I longed to be able to travel back in time, even if just for a moment, to revel in the peace and quiet. To become again the organised, more in-control “me”.

I heard the first cry at 11.30pm, and these fitful screams continued every hour (on the hour). Until my hubby decided that this was clearly a lost cause and got up at 3am (bless him), and took the zoo downstairs to watch a movie. I obviously fell back into a deep sleep … Because I woke up with a start when my alarm went off at 6am. And, soon after, a blonde-haired cutie asked if I wanted some tea!

Had the nightly reign of terror come to an end?

Nope! As I slowly descended the stairs, I could hear it all too clearly! The chaos continued, each one bickering about something: The 4yo, especially, was screaming as if she’d been pinched (by an enormous crab, on her inner thigh – seriously, that’s how loud she was). For some reason this had been the pattern in our house for a while. Bickering, screaming, fighting among themselves. All I wanted to do was grab a bottle of good Merlot, find a corner to hide in, and drown my misery!

It’s as if my children had disappeared and been replaced with annoying little gnats! Yes … I just said that! Long, painful and excruciating days. Bearing in mind that my body was at this time taken over by baby #5, my hormones were through the roof, and I was EXHAUSTED! Like I have never felt before. Seriously. A white padded room would be a luxury right now. (No offence intended with that comment – so don’t get your knickers in a knot now.)

And in this “What The Hell Is Going On In My Home” moment, I silently slipped away for just a second. Just a second. That’s not bad? Is it? I am human after all!

I saw this clip by Kristina Kuzmic. It sure did come at the right time! If you are struggling with a similar situation, go take a look. “You are good enough“.

Yes, for one brief moment I stepped into an abyss. The dark side of parenting, perhaps. But that was all shattered when a sweet little two-year-old grabbed my leg and, with that gorgeous little smile of hers said, “Morning my mommy”.

Yes it’s hard, but we do the best we can, and on those dark and exhausting days we just need to remind ourselves that we are indeed GOOD ENOUGH!

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