Explaining civil unrest to children

The people’s dissatisfaction with the arrest of former president Jacob Zuma has snowballed into the chaos the country sees at the moment.

From unrest starting in KwaZulu-Natal to almost national looting and violence, children are bound to see what is happening. As they experience this, some might have questions and inevitable anxieties.

To try to manage this when they have the capacity to, it is important to address some of their questions and even proactively start the conversation. Some children won’t ask but might be expressing some form of concern about the situation on the news.

Hand-in-Hand instructor Kelly van Rooyen went through a similar situation in which she had to tell her twin boys why they could not go to school this morning. A Hand-in-Hand instructor is a conscious parenting coach who works with parents to help them better connect with their children.

Kelly told them how unhappiness in the government may result in protests. “When there are protests, the roads become blocked and that is why we can’t go to school,” Kelly explained.

That part can be easily addressed.

It is the violence emanating from these protests that will need to be addressed with children. “The violence is traumatic for children to witness or read about,” adds Kelly.

To address the violence, a conversation might need to be had with your little ones.

Caution should be taken when explaining the violence, especially in a South African context.

Are the looters bad people?

Parents who label the looters as “bad people” are running the risk of attaching black to bad. According to BrainPop, “children, like adults, see skin colour”. When the conversation is handled poorly, it can have a bigger influence on children’s views on race and identity.

The protests and looting are directly linked to years of delivery dissatisfaction in a government that promised black people quality service since the dawn of democracy.

SA streets have been looted by angry, frustrated and unemployed people who have the time, emotions and motivation to take what is not theirs.

To address this, a brief history lesson is important to address issues of racial segregation and inequality. This will be an age-appropriate conversation for children who are developmentally ready for it. Parents know what their children can and cannot handle.

If you feel your child will not be able to understand the information you are about to give them, then this might lead to confusion and emotionally overwhelm them.

ALSO SEE: Understanding micro aggression and outright racism on school kids

How to safeguard children during civil unrest

Sparrow Trust, a non-profit organization in Amanzimtoti, has collaborated with therapist group Life Heroes and the Amanzimtoti police service to provide further information. Some of the useful tips parents can use during civil unrest include packs to guide parents during this difficult time.

Manage big emotions

When a parent is evidently anxious with no support or emotional outlet, then their anxiety can easily affect their children. It is advisable that parents manage their big emotions so as not to scare children or make them worried. “Be vigilant how you speak to children about the events and the individuals responding and perpetrating,” the group advises.

Ask open-ended questions

According to clinical psychologist Dr Jenny Rose, asking open-ended questions helps parents “gauge where your child is at”.

What have they heard? What do they understand is happening?

This will eliminate the assumptions that a parent has about what their child knows. It will also help parents address exactly what a child is feeling, instead of addressing things they have no interest in knowing in the first place.

Be their safe space

Children should always know that they can reach out to you when they are scared or worried about something. This happens when their emotions are acknowledged and their questions answered openly and honestly. It is important for them to know they are seen at that moment and their emotions are valid.

Continue reassuring them

During times of uncertainty, it is important that children know they are safe and their safety is their parent’s priority. Safety is key for children. According to Van Rooyen: “Physical, mental and emotional safety is a biological need and children who feel safe growing up are more likely to maintain mental health into their adult years.”

The presence of a loving caregiver providing that safety is what kids need. Even through times of turmoil, knowing their caregivers are there, continually reminding them they are there will fulfil the biological need for safety.