Causing a bit of a stink

We often take for granted how much a good toilet impacts on our daily lives. Having that flushing mechanism, good quality toilet paper and a clean and nice smelling “workplace” can either make or break a visit.

When travelling it isn’t any different. In fact one can say that bathrooms become more pressing on the hierarchy of needs.

Just like you’ve been exposed to a new faces, sights, sounds and tastes, you are exposed to new ways of using the bathroom and bathroom etiquette too. Inevitably there will come a point when you will become very familiar with the “porcelain throne”.

There are plenty of new germs that relish the chance to contaminate this new foreign vessel. This inevitably leads to many more visits to the bathroom. Toilets, then, and their levels of cleanliness and user-friendliness become increasingly important.

Being a South African, I thought those trips to the bush and the long drop that was part and parcel of the stay had prepared me relatively well for toilet experiences.

From the onset I should say I’m very iffy when it comes to toilets. A remnant of those early days in government schools perhaps that instilled the fear in me to use the bathroom. I would wait until I got home and trained my body accordingly.

I Causing a bit of a stink never could understand friends who could just pop into a local McDonalds or do their business pretty much anywhere.

Imagine my surprise then when on a trip to Brazil I discovered that the paper needs to go in a bin and not into the bowl. A bin, you say. Yes, a bin filled with one and two-plys. I thought I could avoid it by just playing dumb. Unlucky for me I was caught out within a few days when a Brazilian friend informed me that the system was too weak and I would clog the toilet that way. I was mortified. And kept wondering who had the unfortunate job of emptying the bin.

The internet is making a big fuss of the squatter and how it is so much better for your system. Well in most of South East Asia they use squatters and let me tell you that, healthier or not, it’s terrifying.

Reason being they combine the squatter with a “bum gun”. A powerful stream that you shoot at your posterior when you want to clean your story. The water is too strong. And do you just drip dry? Because there is never any toilet paper.

Asians are so fond of a squatter many tend to squat on a normal toilet. Like climb on the seat and squat. I’ve been told that they think our western toilets are weird.

On the other end of the spectrum you get toilets in countries like Japan. Filled with a smorgasbord of technology to make the process easier. They have heaters for winter. Various settings for cleaning purposes and the like. They are so confusing and all in Japanese so you end up pressing a button and having water spray you in the face in confusion.
Then there’s toilets on the airplane, but that’s another story.