Black men may truly just not be marriage material

Rumours abound of the imminent split-ups of some celebrity couples – and infidelity is invariably the reason for these not-so-happy endings.

These unions became goals because they were breaking the moulds of what we understood a black marriage to be.

Gone were the days of a woman dependent on a man who would be in the marriage when it suited him – or so we thought.

If Twitter finds you cheating, retweet it and poke fun at it, it means the wives and children have seen it and slept many a night with pillows wet from the sobbing.

The story of Enhle and Black Coffee proves this. We were left breathless by the “wedding of the century”.

But a fairy tale has ended – abruptly so.

Black women want and deserve better. They must weather the storms of marriages filled with infidelity, go toe-to-toe with the mistresses of their husbands – and then survive the abuse of husbands and their families.

They hold their families together, the husbands tear them down… Where is the partnership?

Look at the love story of AKA and DJ Zinhle. She did not make the cut – but she endured and true to the expectations of black society, held on and today is celebrated for “winning” the man.

I cannot fathom the low standards set for women. But aren’t we simply teaching people how to treat us?

We shame single women for the inability to secure a husband, but I celebrate their ability to reject the calibre of men that society has been producing in high numbers.

Why should our children share fathers with children made and kept in secret?

Why has the black marriage lost much of its credibility? Black women must be more than just baby incubators and rearers. And black men must be called out for the deep level of disrespect of women.

We have to be able to call a spade a spade and to admit that the problem is no longer women.

The problem is black men who may truly just not be marriage material…

Kekeletso Nakeli-Dhliwayo.

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